Fog of Life

Cloning an ESXi 4.1 VM

2011-03-28T16:57:00.002-05:00

After fiddling around with a lot of bad advice I finally found one suggestion that worked for me to clone an ESXi VM. It's not elegant or quick....

so being relatively new to the vmware world and a somewhat reluctant participant since the test system i'm using won't support Hyper-V and only VMware, it's comforting to see that there's a Unix kernel lurking in it's background and that some of the old familiar shell commands work, like ls and df, etc. Unfortunately I don't see a man-pages facility which would help.

the long and short of this cloning thing was found here . Essentially you ssh into the esxi host and run a vmkfs -i command to clone the vm.

If you hadn't activate SSH then do this as described here.
Create a new VM with the same configuration as the machine you wish to clone.
By creating the VM you also created its virtual disk (*.vmdk).
Delete this disk (we will replace it with the clone) by using the “Datastore Browser” or SSH on ESXi.
Connect to your ESXi by using SSH.
type the following command (here “ubu-10.04-server” is the template).

vmkfstools -i /vmfs/volumes/datastore1/ubu-10.04-server/ubu-10.04-server.vmdk /vmfs/volumes/datastore1/newmachine/newmachine.vmdk
Destination disk format: VMFS zeroedthick
Cloning disk '/vmfs/volumes/datastore1/ubu-10.04-server/ubu-10.04-server.vmdk'...
Clone: 100% done.

boot your new machine and configure it.

The next four years

2008-11-07T22:30:00.002-06:00

The last few days I've spent hyper focused on work, which has been a welcome respite from the drama leading up to the election. Barack Obama is the President elect, Dick Durbin was re-elected to another term, as was Judy Biggert, my district's representative to the House.

I believe that President Clinton received too much credit for an Internet boom he had little to do with and too little blame for a global rise in hatred, intollerance and danger. I believe that President Bush has received too much blame for having to deal with the consequences of a world consumed with hatred, intollerance and danger and not enough blame for allowing the housing and credit markets to fall apart, then putting forth a hair brained rescue plan.

A Congress led by Pelosi and Reid worry me. The promises of entitlements that we may not be able to support in the long run trouble me. An America that grows increasingly dependent on its government for it's financial survival scares me. A President Obama has a lot of work to do. I did not vote for him, but I will pray for his success as his failure is not in any of our best interests.

Obamahood and his merry congressmen

2008-11-03T23:36:00.005-06:00

Take from the rich to give to the poor. Sound familiar? Who thought it would become a campaign strategy in the United States? Comparing our Democracy to dictatorships is extreme. Rather, Socialistic-minded democracies like Sweden or Spain where taxation rules the day in order to support public services. But no, our slide into Social warfare will be much more subtle. So much so that to argue against the Democratic party's initiatives will be viewed as greedy or even cruel to the poor, helpless people their programs would aid. We are about 12 hours away from knowing how difficult our fight for freedom has become.

NEVER CEDE THE POWER OF YOUR DOLLARS TO THE GOVERNMENT.

It's the only true power we have left.

On the military... Should Barack Obama become President he has said he will remove troops from Iraq. Does anyone remember the Iran-Iraq war? I have no doubt should we remove our forces from Iraq that within 12 months Iran will take our place and the Iraqi situation will worsen bringing once again the security of the middle-east to the forefront. Furthermore, he has committed to increasing the ranks of troops in Afghanistan. Expect this to go poorly as well, although in some ways a more aggressive stance with Pakistan is probably needed. Afghanistan is bordered by Iran, Pakistan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, China, and Tajikistan. Russia spent a decade mired in this country leaving in a stale-mate at best and in failure for certain.

I fully expect that with a "dove" in the White House we will see his entire term dominated by foreign security issues as we witnessed with Carter and Clinton. Letting the Middle-east fall into chaos again is not acceptable until we are completely free from middle-eastern oil.

To those who don't think it can get worse than it is; it can.

Our economy was tanking by 1999. In spite of Y2K and 9/11 we were able to recover somewhat until last year. Economies run in cycles. Politicians have increasingly gotten in the way of free-market cycles through over legislating fixes to regulate these cycles. Unlike Karl Marx I don't believe in exploiting the upper class for the benefit of the labor class.

Remember how shitty things were with Nixon, Ford, and Carter? Hold on to your ass 'cause it's gonna be a rough ride.

McCain questioned

2008-10-29T23:50:00.003-05:00

I’ve received some responses from friends who support Obama and I am giving their criticism thought. I’ll summarize and paraphrase some of the concerns I’ve heard.

McCain is a womanizer who cheated on and abandoned his disfigured first wife for a rich, pretty younger woman. This tells me all I need to know about this man who likes to promote his so-called ethics.

According to factcheck.org, McCain has publicly admitted to infidelities and said that he regrets the way he handled his first marriage. I don’t condone the manner in which he behaved and won’t make excuses for it, and from the sound of it he doesn’t either. Maybe it’s smart politics or maybe it’s some amount of maturity. Even someone I respect in Ross Perot, who helped Carol McCain after her accident, has spoken out against John McCain saying, “So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona”.

The implication is that John McCain came home from Viet Nam to find his wife marred from the accident and left her, yet they remained married for seven years, albeit far from a happy or perfect marriage.

Somewhere between 40 and 50 percent of marriages in the United States result in divorce. If you haven’t been in an ugly divorce you likely know someone who has been. The fact that a large percentage of the population has shared this experience with the McCain’s doesn’t wash with the backlash of resentment toward him. This is especially puzzling when considering the controversy of President Clinton’s activities, nor the myriad of rumors of infidelity by past Presidents.

People get divorced for any number of reasons, reasonable or not. Relationships are complicated in the best of circumstances let alone separation over time, physical and emotional damage and strained reconciliations. So while the handling of his relationship with his first wife doesn’t inspire admiration, not even within himself, it doesn’t disqualify him for a leadership position. It may show that he can act like a jerk, and in that regard is human. It does put into question his judgment, but it doesn’t make him dangerous, and it doesn’t disqualify him for the office of President.

McCain is a hot head, warrior, war monger who loses his temper and flings around profanities.

It would seem that Senator McCain has had several years of heated interactions. One might argue that his passion for what he believes in leads him to his outbursts. You might also say that he lacks tact and diplomacy. It might not be the first time that we’ve had a hot tempered President. Is this what we need at this time in the world? Probably not. Would he fly off the handle and “launch nukes” at the drop of a hat? No. Would he be respected in the world community? I don’t know, just as much as I don’t know if Obama would be respected. I suspect their allegiances would be divided amongst very different camps. Could he unite the polarized parties and camps domestically and internationally? No, but neither can Obama.

As a side, we lived 8 years under a president that was slow to react to growing international threat and lost many innocent lives in the process. When he did react, it was random and erratic and under Clinton’s watch, Osama Bin Laden was able to grow his capabilities with the world watching. We can also place some blame on President Bush (G.H.) and even the great Ronald Reagan for not instituting long term plans that might have addressed the Islamic crisis in Afghanistan in the 1980’s when paths might have been altered before they had been travelled. This is not to trivialize the thousands of lives lost over the last 6 years, but we do not benefit by swinging from one extreme to the next in posture and attitude.

Understand this though; accountability applies to all people whether they are American or European politicians, Arab leaders or Islamic fundamentalists. Compounding wrongs do not equate to moral rights, and we cannot move forward while apologizing for the past. Neither a war monger or an apologist will succeed in uniting world factions. We have forces in the world at fundamental odds with each other. Progress may require patience and understanding, but it does not mandate compromise and acquiescence.

McCain has run nothing but a dirty, mud-slinging campaign full of lies and distortions.

This probably frustrates all of us as much as or more than anything else in political seasons. Every season starts with promises to change followed by nastier and dirtier campaigns. I wish the RNC would have remained focused on running on the issues rather than running against Barack Obama. That said, what I read and see is media sound bites. I hear both candidates running against each other rather than on the issues. The media could choose to play sound bites of the candidates discussing the issues, but instead, they choose to play those that excite and incite. A candidate, in particular McCain, could avoid this trap by simply staying away from running against Obama. Don’t even mention his name. Talk about the economy, international and national security, immigration, and political philosophy. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to have a candidate that refuses to denigrate his opponent or for that matter, how about not even acknowledging the opponent? Some businesses make sales by scaring customers about their completion. Other businesses ignore the fact that there is competition and sell their goods based on their features and benefits. I’ve always preferred the latter.

Neither candidate can acknowledge or get involved in the mudslinging that individuals do throughout the campaign. People have concerns. Some legitimate, some ridiculous.

Obama acknowledges McCain’s Senate contributions on one hand, but bundles him with Bush on the other. McCain has called Obama a good man, a family man on one hand and labeled him as the most liberal Senator in Congress on the other.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that we all get caught up in the dirt. For the most part, it’s the stuff that questions the candidate’s integrity, attributes, and qualifications. It’s actually a good thing and thank God we have the liberty and freedom of speech to question our leaders in this fashion. I would like to explore the paradigm of people asking these questions and not the candidates themselves though.

Analysis of some issues

2008-10-29T00:30:00.004-05:00

I've begun to compare the issues between the two candidates. It's difficult to sift through the facts; actually it's difficult to find the facts, which is why I suppose the rhetoric gets boiled down to generalizations and mud slinging. For my purposes I've tried to stick with CNN.com and the Brookings institute, understanding that these things are written by people with inherent bias, as my writings will also have.

Morality (Abortion, Stem Cell research) - Winner: McCain

I actually believe this is a state rights issue and generally dislike federal legislation on moral issues. Intellectually I believe that life begins at conception and therefore believe that abortion is taking that life. I concede that others disagree with this stance. I have friends and relatives who have had abortions, so I am sensitive to their points of view. However, with this point of view, embryonic stem cell research is a mute point for me.

Housing - Tie

The "Emergency rescue" law already has a provision for the Treasury Department to help prevent foreclosures. A credit card bill of rights is interesting and should be explained in more detail, however, the answer for the consumer credit industry should probably be better directed at regulation that works in addition to transparency. My pre-teen kids were getting Capital One credit card offers! It was out of control. Both candidates positions are relatively the same given the circumstance of pre-existing legislation with the exception of Obama’s tax credits.

Immigration - Tie

I guess they’re in agreement on immigration. A 700-mile fence though? I like the idea of shoring up existing legislation. I dislike the idea that legislators believe they always need to create new legislation rather than improve existing laws. I agree that we need better border security. Of course, we could always annex Mexico and then levee taxes.

Economy (Taxes) – McCain

http://www.taxpolicycenter.org/publications/url.cfm?ID=411693

I think they both have bone headed ideas and I’ve been clear on my opposition of the currently constituted “bail-out”, which they both supported and neither made a concerted effort to make better. I oppose the idea of more “stimulus” (Obama) in that it’s good money chasing bad. Seriously, does anyone really understand what is being proposed by either candidate, specifically? Even the Brookings Institute says that neither candidate has addressed the tax issue seriously. The generalizations made by both Obama and McCain appear to be relatively accurate however as expected, exaggerated.

Under McCain’s plan the highest earners would get the largest cut, however it needs to be stressed that the highest earners are already the highest taxed. We live in a progressive tax system that progressively taxes earners based upon their income. McCain’s philosophy is that free cash will flow back into the economy in the form of business growth which will stimulate production.

Obama’s plan favors low-income earners and small business. The philosophy is that free cash in the hands of small business and low-income earners will stimulate the economy in the form of consumption. The top line difference is about 5% for high income individuals and 10% for corporations. This is significant by anyone’s standard.

I don’t think anyone truly believes that the average “Joe the plumber” earns over $250,000 annually. That said, there are many small business owners incorporated as S-corps whose personal income is, for better or worse, reflected as their share of their corporation’s income. Many of these small business owners will most assuredly make over $250,000 on their tax form, yet take home significantly less.

I generally believe that production stimulates the economy; however it seems that neither candidate has put a responsible plan together.

Obama’s plan seems more baked, but I oppose the level of entitlement programs and tax credits that are proposed. I'm not opposed to all entitlement, but I am opposed to indiscriminate spending. I think there has to be budget redistribution possible, which has been discussed very little in either campaign (and I do remember the scalpel versus axe comments)

McCain’s plan’s philosophy is more capitalistic and more to my taste, however it’s problematic in that it severely reduces tax revenue which would require spending control not demonstrated by previous administrations or Congresses. I think the idea of an across the board spending freeze is irresponsible and ad-hoc.

I am ok with the concept of giving smaller tax breaks to lower earners. The spread is dramatic. Under McCain, the lowest percentile will pay a mere 4.5% while the highest earners will pay 28.3%

Under Obama, the lowest percentile will receive a 0.4% credit (that is a tax rate of -0.4%) while the highest earners will pay a whopping rate of 39%.

Perhaps what needs to be examined is the ethics and regulatory abuses by those who are earning billions of dollars per year. It would be nice to have people earn large sums of money in an honest and ethical fashion rather than simply take more of their filthy money from them. Part of the problem with the Obama plan is that its ceiling is too low. Dual income homes will make more than $250,000 and still be living comfortably, but little better than hand to mouth. The ceiling needs to be raised by several orders of magnitude for this to make any amount of sense.

I've commented previously that the tax codes are too complex and complexity breeds corruption and manipulation. We need simplification.

Burnout

2008-10-25T23:49:00.008-05:00

Election weeks not even here yet and I'm burned out on politics already. I had been avoiding the news coverage for most of the year intentionally but got sucked in by the bank failures and so-called "bailout". I've listened to the arguments made by both candidates, watched the debates, and while I haven't read either candidate's entire platform I've read some amount of them. Neither man would be my first choice, so once again I'm left with voting against someone rather than voting for someone. I've even tried to think of who I'd want if I could choose anyone, but I've failed to identify one person. So, let me think "out loud" for a moment...

What qualifications should the President have? (I'm using "he" out of convenience, as I don't have a bias against a female executive)

1. Executive experience.

The President is the ultimate CEO. He must surround itself with the most talented people available representing the various interests to be managed by the office. He must be able to absorb the multitude of opinions and interests and act on what he fundamentally believes to be best for the country, in spite of public and private opinion. He must also be able to act against what he personally wants to this end, and in this sense, exercise executive "judgement".

2. Leadership.

As with a successful CEO, the President must be able to garner support from those he leads, and in this case it's everyone; at least everyone in the United States. He must be able to rally support for initiatives and ideas, and even convince those who would disagree to act in the interest of the country. His sphere of influence includes his cabinet, all political parties, special interests, industry leaders, foreign leaders and the public at large.

3. Ethics.

Given the stakes, the moral foundation of the President must be based on Universal truths regarding decency and humanity. It's hard to know that this has been the case throughout history as much as I want to believe it to be, but this is what I expect out of this position. Perhaps this is what makes it such a difficult office to fill. Those who would have this quality may well not desire to test their metal in such a weighty manner.

4. Knowledge.

The leader of the free world should have a fundamental understanding of the forces that keep it operating including domestic and global economic policy, foreign and domestic politics, military history, world history, world religion, and philosophy. I don't expect any single person to master each discipline, however in order to make informed and independent decisions I expect the President to have a solid comprehension of these forces even given the amount of expert advice which assuredly would be given.

5. Courage and a calm demeanor.

The president must be able to stand up under the most trying circumstances. He will inevitably be tested and will need to present calm and clear leadership as well as an ability to synthesize what's required versus what's not in making decisions. He must be able to determine when immediate action is required versus when patience is the best alternative.

6. Professionalism.

The President must always conduct himself in a manner that represents the status of the office. While I understand that even Presidents are human, all great leaders are called upon to rise above their flaws, if only for the short time they must. It is plainly unacceptable for leaders of nations to behave in ways that do not represent the best of who they lead. We have been sadly, and greatly let down in this regard for far too long. We have seen this at all levels of leadership over the past 20 years and it's time we insist on better.

Considering these six factors, how would you rate your choices?

Here is my analysis.

Executive Experience

Obama: Has never served in an executive position. In fairness, both men have run Senate offices, but have had managers to direct their day-to-day business.

McCain: Led a Navy squadron, but never held a business or non-military executive position. In fairness, both men have run Senate offices, but have had managers to direct their day-to-day business.

Winner: Tie – Neither have an adequate amount of executive experience. Sarah Palin has more executive experience than Obama, McCain and Biden combined, but she’s not running for President.

Leadership

Obama: Has been very convincing in a leadership role in every position he’s held. In fact, I would say Obama’s leadership skills outweigh everything else about him being able to sell those around him on his ability and nearly instantly begin work on his next step up at every level.

He serves as a member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Veterans Affairs Committee, Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee, and Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee.

McCain: Led an Navy squadron. Sponsored 38 pieces of legislation. While he has been more outspoken in Congress than most, he’s never truly led the House or Senate. Ranking member on Armed Services Committee (tenure?). Serves on Commerce, Science and Transportation, and Indian Affairs committees.

Winner: Obama – While McCain has unquestionably led as a Senator, he has not demonstrated the same level of “leadership” as Obama. That said, it should be pointed out that many leaders are not viewed by history as forces for good in the world. These leaders were able to lead even when there was no rational support for their advance.

Ethics (voting records and stands on issues not considered)

Obama: Has some questionable associations including Tony Rezko, ACORN, William Ayers, Emil Jones Jr., Rashid Khaladi, Rev. Michael Pfleger specifically. Obama’s campaign contributions have raised the question of ethical misconduct, or at the very least, ethical contradictions. Experimented with drugs as a youth.

On the positive side, Obama has worked in the interest of the economically disadvantaged as a community activist.

McCain: McCain was implicated in the Keating 5 scandal, but cleared and chastised later. There are some rumors about McCain related to adultery and gambling, however these have not made it very far in terms of media scrutiny.

In his favor, his prison camp story is compelling, and he made the right choice in remaining versus being released, a point he doesn’t seem to let pass anyone by.

Winner: McCain, but narrowly. Obama’s association with such a multitude of questionable actors over a course of time shows a continual lack of judgment regardless of whether he actually did anything untoward.

Knowledge

Obama:

Education: Harvard Law School; BA Political Science, Columbia University

Economy: Political experience; Relies on advisors

Domestic politics: State and federal senator for 12 years. Education, teaching, and activism.

International politics: Congressional experience, including foreign affairs committee.

Military history: Relies on advisors

World History: Cannot judge

World Religion: Obama Christian, Father raised Muslim turned atheist, mother Christian, lived in Indonesia, Pakistan

Philosophy: Cannot judge

McCain:

Education: US Naval Academy

Economy: More political experience; Relies on advisors

Domestic politics: US Navy liason to Congress (5), Congressman (26) for 31 years.

International Politics: Military and Congressional experience including Armed services committee.

Military history: US Navy, Annapolis, Armed Services Committee

World History: Cannot judge

World Religion: Christian

Philosophy: Cannot judge

Winner: Obama, but narrowly. McCain rates higher with regard to International politics and Military history. Obama wins in education, domestic politics, and world religion.

Courage and demeanor

Obama:

Demeanor: Calm and cool exterior. Has appeared to get rattled during debates, but nominally.

Courage: Cannot judge

McCain:

Demeanor: Generally calm and cool. Has demonstrated agitation during debates, but nominally.

Courage: Has shown courage as a prisoner of war. Otherwise, cannot judge.

Winner: McCain - I rate them a tie in demeanor but McCain wins in courage.

Professionalism

Obama: Aside from the aforementioned ethics questions, nothing has surfaced that indicts Obama’s professionalism.

McCain: While there have been sparse reports of breaches of personal ethics, nothing has been publicly substantiated. Otherwise, nothing has surfaced that questions McCain’s professionalism.

Winner: Tie. Neither are exceptionally professional nor unprofessional.

For me, rating the men against the qualifications for the position results in a lackluster tie. I rate Obama higher in leadership and knowledge, but McCain higher in ethics and courage, but neither win in a convincing manner in their respective categories.

So now I have to consider their position on issues. On the surface my tendencies are conservative since I'm a state's rights advocate (a.k.a. federalist), Catholic and free-market advocate. I can't remember when we have had a true fiscal conservative in control of the government. I suspect my analysis of the issues will produce yet another non-choice situation for me; where I'm voting against someone and not for someone.

Stay tuned...

What are you doing? Is this a time of crisis or an opportunity?

2008-10-10T23:28:00.002-05:00

I'm curious to know how you view the current economic situation. Do you see the market, now trading at a level around 40% off it's high of last year as an opportunity or do you believe it's too risky, implying that there are no companies worth owning at this point? Are you worried about keeping your job? Have you tried to get a loan and been denied?

For myself, I put a little money in the market last week, and of course it went down. I did not sell into the downfall. Last November and again in January I talked to my broker about selling since I started to feel uncomfortable with being in the market. He talked me out of selling and I paid no further attention to it.

I'm fortunate that I don't need the cash right now and as such, I just left it in. I put a little more from my last paycheck into the same funds last week feeling that I would start putting a little more in every paycheck. If it keeps going down I'll just continue to buy all the way down. Hell, I'm buying at levels I haven't been able to buy at in 10 years. I only wish I had more cash. In my opinion there are a number of good companies selling at once in a lifetime levels. And they may get cheaper!

The US Treasury and the Federal Reserve are at their wits end having pulled the trigger on a number of spending initiatives, loans, and rate cuts. Where were they in July when rate cuts might have kept the flow of credit open?

I'm not particularly worried about the business... yet. Many companies are continuing spending in essential initiatives. However, we're seeing all good companies begin to cut non essential spending including projects and headcount. It's not a good time to be a corporate ornament, a.k.a. dead weight. We're also seeing an increase in sales and marketing efforts. It will be interesting to see when marketing budgets get wiped out. I fully expect to continue to see massive layoffs through the remainder of the year in large and publicly traded companies. Small business usually don't operate with the same level of overhead, but we will all be taking haircuts.

I don't personally know anyone who's been foreclosed, but given the statistics I expect that many of you do. My aunt emailed me the other day saying that one of the kids had gotten a mortgage that was more than they could afford then complicated things by running up their credit cards. Before anyone could help them they had dug their hole too deep and they got foreclosed. It's unfortunate, but probably a lesson they needed to learn.

I do acknowledge that there are going to now be a lot of people swept up in this debacle who took on debt that they could afford when they assumed it but will have either lost their job or suffered setbacks in their income forcing them into situations where their debt burden is unsustainable. It's really all of our fear to be caught in this situation. Normally, financial institutions will work with their customers to keep from assuming the financed assets. It will be interesting to see how well this works in this new economy.

Today I heard of a physician friend who was having some difficulty acquiring a mortgage for a home, saying that the amount of down payment was 80%. I suspect he was exaggerating, but I believe that the money required for a down payment is much greater than it used to be.

I have 2 car payments and a home mortgage at the moment. Happily I've paid off my credit cards over the year and have minimal debt in that regard. My cars were financed at 0% and 3.9% respectively and I had a 30 year fixed mortgage at 5.65% as I never trusted adjustable rates or brokers and banks that were unknown to me. I don't have nearly enough cash should something happen to my business or job, so that concerns me and I have to remain optimistic but guarded that we will continue to prosper through the turmoil. As a result, I am focusing efforts on increasing sales on essential items and those that reduce cost or increase sales for our customers.

I'd love to hear your perspectives; what you're seeing; what you're experiencing at home and at work.

Spend baby spend

2008-10-03T22:40:00.007-05:00

March 2008

The Federal Reserve issues a 28 day emergency loan to Bear Stearns only to have Stearns sell to JP Morgan 2 days later at a steep discount, $2/share when it had traded at $98/share only a month earlier. The Federal Reserve extends a $29 Billion non-recourse loan to JP Morgan and assumes responsibility for Morgan's "troubled" mortgaged based assets. According to the Federal Reserve website, JP Morgan assumed Bear Stearns financial obligations, but it's not clear to me if the original emergency loan was the same as the subsequently reported non-recourse loan to JP Morgan. No Congressional vote was required for this action.

Ben Bernanke is Chairman of the Federal Reserve.

September 2008

The Federal Reserve issued loans up to $85 billion to A.I.G. for a term of 24 months with the right to assume up to 79.9% equity in the financial and insurance giant. No Congressional vote was required for the loan.

September 2008

According to several news reports, a $25 billion loan package is tucked somewhere in H.R. 2638 intended to aid the auto industry. H.R.2638 is an appropriations act extending the US budget into 2009. Just try to find reasonable language that describes the terms of the loan. I can't. Congress passed this bill and President Bush signed it into law.

September 2008

The US Treasury take Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac into conservatorship. Loans of up to $100 million per GSE (Government Sponsored Enterprise) were extended to both GSEs with up to 79.9% equity positions acquired. A total of $200 Billion available. No Congressional vote required for these actions.

September 2008

Emergency Economic Stabilization. The Congress passed and President signed into law an act that commits up to $700 billion to be spent purchasing nearly anything the Assistant Secretary of the Treasury determines that will stabilize the stock markets and keep people in their homes. A combination of an additional $110 billion in tax credits and allocations were added to the original act in order to obtain the votes required to pass the bill.

Several new government offices and positions are created with this act. Secretary Paulson is given a great deal of authority to define the mechanisms and rules for exercising the intent of the act with several agencies acting in an oversight capacity. The cost for administering this program is not specified. There is no timeframe for recapturing the investments made by the Secretary. The act gives the Secretary complete discretion for which assets to buy from whom and under whatever terms he sees fit as long as the terms meet a liberally general set of guidelines. There are mechanisms to adjust individual mortgage interest rates as well as reduce pricipal in conjunction with a new program titled "Hope for Homeowners", announced by Senator Dodd in March of 2008, but included in this bill.

Until the most recent "economic bailout", the Federal Reserve and US Treasuring had been trading in loans and equity. Now that we have given the US Treasury a $700B line of credit, let's hope that Secretary Paulson has the good sense to invest it wisely.

Plight of the ignorant American public at the hands of an irresponsible government

2008-10-03T19:54:00.006-05:00

After the "Emergency Economic Stabilization" act was passed today, someone that I consider to be fairly intelligent asked if it had been determined how much the plan would cost each taxpayer. I had heard earlier in the day that the "bailout" equated to something like $6000 per taxpayer. The math seems pretty close: $700 billion divided by about $136 million tax payers (although only about 100 million actually paid anything) comes to about $6K per filing adult. He then asked if I thought we'd have to pay it all in one year. I was dumbfounded. How many other people are thinking this way?

This law commits up to $700 billion to be used to purchase "troubled assets" and otherwise be spent as Secretary Paulson sees fit. Don't believe me?

“residential or commercial mortgages and any securities, obligations, or other instruments that are based on or related to such mortgages” determined by “the Secretary determines promotes financial market stability”

and

“any other financial instrument that the Secretary, after consultation with the Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, determines the purchase of which is necessary to promote financial market stability, but only upon transmittal of such determination, in writing, to the appropriate committees of Congress.”

It's a commitment of funds. It's basically the same retarded logic that led consumers to take on mortgages, auto loans, credit cards and other debt they didn't have income to support.

The real fun comes later for Congress. Where will the money come from to pay for the purchases made by the new "Office of Financial Stability" (does that sound Orwellian to you?)

Get it? Spend the money then figure out how to pay for it.

But here's something nobody has mentioned. Contained in this Law is an increase of the public debt limit to $11,315,000,000,000 from about $10.6 trillion. WHOOPIE! MAMMA NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES!

There is some convoluted verbiage in the law that discusses charging premiums to institutions that participate in the plan to cover the requests for coverage. This is unrealistic if not down right stupid. If these companies had the funds to cover their debt they wouldn't need their troubled assets purchased.

So, to my dear friend, and I do love him, no, you will not have to send a check to Uncle Sam for $6,000 next year with "Emergency Economic Stabilization" written in the memo. BUT, make no mistake about it, your taxes will rise. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not next year. But this law opened a big checkbook which will, without a doubt, be drawn upon. Having raised the ceiling for public debt Congress allowed this bubble to expand having doubled in size since 2000. This money will have to come from somewhere (foreign banks) and at some point we WILL have to repay it.

A plea to save our country...

2008-10-03T16:20:00.005-05:00

I sent this to Obama and Judy Biggert before the sentate vote a couple of days ago. Durbin's contact form was broken, and his congressional email bounced, so I couldn't get to him, not that it made any difference. It turns out that all of my representation (Illinois) voted for this heap of dung. After the Senate approved the act I read it, well most of it... it's 451 pages of legal-speak. I quit making notes and comments as there were too many comments to be made. It is truly a bad plan benefiting people who default on their loans and those elite that made them. The rest of us are left swinging in the breeze. The "pork" was legal coercion to get the votes required to pass. We elected these people to represent us. We deserve better than we got.

The "Emergency Investment Act" is now law. Mark this date down. Remember what you did today. It's a date that "will live in infamy". Our government's relationship with all of us fundamentally changed today. Shame on all who voted for this act and those who stood by and allowed it to happen. I'll post more on why it will not help the economy and how it accelerated our country's slide into socialism later. Maybe that's what you want, but it's not what I want.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
x,

It is my earnest hope that these messages reach you. I am not in favor of the proposed "bailout" or "investment" plan for the following reasons:

1. Private sector must remain private. Risky credit policies have to run their course even if the consequences are painful. I realize that this is not going to resonate, so I have other concerns that follow.

2. If these financial firms are too risky to extend credit to how can they be any less of a risk with regard to stock or warrants?

3. Exactly which financial firms are going to be helped? What is the criteria for investment or credit?

4. How can we be assured that those people overseeing these programs are acting in the public's best interest and not in their own? It seems that nearly every official involved in setting past and present policy has ties to several of these failing firms.

5. How can we be assured that those responsible for acting irresponsibly not only do not profit from assistance, but are fairly punished for their recklessness? Clearly the bylaws, regulations and legislation in place for the GSE's and SEC were not effective. How can we be sure that this law won't be equally inert?

6. It appalls me to see the level of partisan posturing happening by both parties. I am embarrassed by it.

7. What I now see are provisions being included to solicit senate votes that do not directly address the issue at hand. I realize that this is how the system works, but it's distasteful to see given the current circumstances.

8. Nobody has adequately explained the alternative to a bailout. Much of the American public is sophisticated enough to follow logic when it's presented. Many of us do not appreciate generic doom and fear tactics. If someone were to clearly lay out the facts we would respond. Pandering to our fears has become a troublesome consistency by today's leadership.

9. The financial aid provided will not prevent foreclosures and repossession on bad debt. The only benefactor would seem to be the executives and shareholders of these companies. As for how the markets will be affected is a guess and a gamble at best. When credit is stretched beyond the population's ability to repay, prices are inflated, and subsequently taxes increased in part on those inflated prices isn't it a matter of time before something breaks? I wish our leaders would stop using job loss and foreclosure as a platform when no spending program can adequately address those two symptoms of a sick system.

If a plan is absolutely necessary, I would be in favor of a loan program that clearly identified where the money would go, had very strict guidelines for who qualified for loans, that eliminates companies who are too risky to repay the loans, that had an extreme transparency, that had a combination of private sector (non-invested) and public sector oversight and lastly that had provisions for investigation and remediation regarding the legislation and private practices that led to this situation.

Respectfully,

Something stinks. I showered this morning so it's not me.

2008-09-30T23:28:00.007-05:00

It boggles my mind that any business entity believes it can rampantly extend credit to risky customers with no consequences. Home ownership, nor credit of any kind, should have never been a “community initiative”. If a fraction of the money and effort had been spent in creating jobs instead of creating opportunities for businesses and consumers to overextend themselves we would have built a free market foundation for those willing to work for what they have and can afford. Clearly we’d still have corruption and manipulation; it’s human nature.

There's a fundamental difference between charity and entitlement. Charity is personal and we have seen it work. Entitlement is contrived and although there are exceptions, rarely works.

It scares the hell out of me that one of the people (Obama), his hands as dirty as anyone, perhaps dirtier than most, has a very good chance of becoming President with a democratically controlled congress. It doesn’t calm my nerves that McCain has been in Congress since 1983 while this sore festered either.

Entitlement does not work. This mentality goes as far back as Franklin Roosevelt. Jimmy Carter apparently planted this time bomb that just went off. Each generation has built upon a house of cards. I hold every President and congress person who’s held office since 1977 culpable. We can choose to knock it down and start over or put some tape on it and hope it remains standing until we can move out and let our kids and grandchildren deal with it.

Complexity breeds corruption and manipulation. It’s time to get back to some common sense basics. People should get the credit they can afford. People who overextend themselves need to deal with the consequences. Companies that extend credit to risky customers need to deal with those consequences. Our government needs to protect the public from fraudulent and criminal behavior.

If you believe the “bailout” will solve anything, google “Henry Paulson”. Just who is getting bailed out here? How much of Paulson’s $700 million net worth is still tied up in Goldman Sachs, where he was CEO from 1999 to 2006. His network extends all across many of the ailing and now defunct financial institutions. People like Steve Wynn and Warren Buffet are putting forward ideas (and actions) that free up the credit market, hold the financial institutions accountable, and allow the market to sort out the garbage of overpriced assets.

There are already too many regulations that are not enforceable. The tax code is too complex, which by its nature encourages manipulation and corruption resulting in an unfair distribution of cost. There are too many programs that require a tax base that is becoming unbearable. The SEC is asleep at the wheel.

Our government is the 32 year old kid that hasn’t moved out of his parent’s house, throws wild parties, has loser friends that come and go at will, he’s stolen your credit cards, eats all of your food then trashes the furniture and won’t clean up after himself. Our society has become the parents that turn a blind eye, clean up the house, put more food in the refrigerator and makes the minimum payment on the credit card bill.

On the brink, but it's not what you think...

2008-09-29T19:35:00.006-05:00

The political posturing of our public servants over recent days is despicable. Nobody can claim credit for anything right now. It's analogous to offering to give CPR to someone you just shot. The vast majority of us are not short sighted enough to lose the fact that it has been poor policy, over-legislation and under-management in our governments and big business over the last 20 years (at least) that has made making an honest living one of the most difficult things to achieve today. Nearly none of us would accept the excuses or self-centered behavior we've seen them demonstrate from our employees or children. Why do we accept it from our so-called leaders?

People with little or no credit should not get loans. If they do get credit and can't make their payments, they should lose their asset. Businesses that routinely extend credit to risky customers should go out of business. Our government should enforce legislation that protects us all from fraudulent and devious activities. Complexity in systems encourage manipulation and chaos. It's time to get back to some basics.

This said, now that we're on this slippery slope let's pray that our leaders put together an "investment" package that 1) clearly defines the rules for which businesses qualify for "investment" , 2) as with the airline packages in the recent past, loans, instead of investment, state a term for repayment at favorable but fair rates, 3) no special interest funding or earmarks and 4) investigation and accountability into the firms and the past legislation that allowed debt to accumulate and be traded at the magnitude we're seeing.

There are a lot of smart business people that can guide this wreck forward. Paulson isn't one of them. It would be interesting to know how much of Henry Paulson's estimated $700 million net worth is invested in interests that might be involved in this so-called bailout. For that matter, full disclosure would be more than interesting for those crafting these financial devices. After all the money is spent scooping up these assets, the bad debts will still exist, right? Do you really want the federal government deciding to foreclose on your house or reposess your car because they now own the loan you weren't qualified to get in the first place? Warrants, loans, or just gifts of money do not erase bad debt. Nobody in this equation is going to forgive missed payments.

It should make all of us sick that the executives of these "failed" companies have fleeced the system for billions of dollars while they ran their firms into the ground. These are the same companies that, through their financial might, have influenced our public servants and shaped favorable legislation that has built the culture of industrial irresponsibility that has created infamous names as Enron, Ty, MCI, and I predict Fannie Mae, Lehman, and Goldman Sachs will join them before this is over.

The saga, and weight loss continue

2008-07-02T13:39:00.004-05:00

I've lost 14 pounds since my last post on May 24. I'm particularly happy with this as I spent a week driving the Hot Rod Power Tour and a 4 day weekend in Florida playing. So while I wasn't able to exercise during these travels, I was able to continue to eat according to my plan (mostly). This morning's weigh in placed me at 214, down from 228.5 on May 24 and 290 on December 1, 2007. I was also able to put on a pair of 34" waist pants this morning, something I haven't done in at least 3 years.

The Hot Rod Power Tour was phenominal!
I was sorry to see it end, and I can't wait for next year. Next year it will begin in Madison, WI and make a stop in Racine and Warren, MI at the home of GM's design center. I'm wondering how they will route from Racine to Warren; if they will go north through WI and MI or south through Chicago and Indiana. I would prefer a northerly route, but I'm thinking they will drop south and I might be able to sleep at home the 2nd or 3rd night. In any case, I'm scheming my upgrades to get done prior to next year so I'm not the same poor sap that was driving a bone stock car next year.

I had a B&B PRT exhaust system installed on the vette over the weekend at Bloomington Gold in St. Charles, Il. I love the angry sound it makes now when I'm on the throttle, and I like that it purrs along when I'm cruising on the highway; it's the best of both worlds.

I also got some great news from my doctors last Friday. As I think I mentioned before, I developed heart failure in January 2007 and had an ejection fraction of 10% with atrial fibrillation. I've read somewhere that the prognosis for someone with an EF of 10% is 1 year. I was worried about this up until the point when I had a hybrid-maze procedure performed in February of 2008 at Northwestern Memorial Medical Center by Doctor Richard Lee. My EF had improved from 10% to 40% last year, but dropped back down to 30% by February. I had a check up last Friday and am happy to report that during the 3 week period in May I wore a long range heart monitor I showed no episodes of atrial fibrillation and that my echo cardiogram showed my EF had improved to 45%! Normal is 55% so I have some room for improvement, but this is happy news. As a result, I was taken off of Amiodarone, Lasix and potassium. I will wear a monitor again in August and if I still show no signs of afib then I can get off of the Warfarin, which will leave me on Toprolol, Lisinopril and fish oil. Life is good.

It's the 4th of July weekend, which means festival time. For me, the main event is Ribfest, more specifically live music. I'm looking forward to Ted Nugent, REO, Big Head Todd, Trace Adkins and Janesville. I'm told that Night Ranger and Styx are playing in Arlington Heights, so I may go to that instead of Ribfest, but I'm not sure.

Gotta go...

Food logs

2008-05-24T22:14:00.001-05:00

Being at Indy yesterday screwed up my diet, but as my rules state, you have to allow yourself to cheat once in a while. Between the ribs and chicken I was set back 600 calories for the day. I normally have about a 1000 calorie deficit, so it was a really decadent day for me, and I didn't even get cake!

I promised to post a snippet of my diet regimen, so here it is. I keep a food and exercise log, and I'm religious about staying on top of it. I think it's a matter of accountability, as I find myself thinking twice about eating the candy or cookie knowing that I won't want to enter those calories in my log. I track my blood pressure and heart rate in addition to calculating my theoretic weight loss versus actual. If you're interested in receiving this spreadsheet to use for yourself, let me know and I'll send it to you.

5/17/2008	7a	whey protien + soy milk	177
		45 minutes elliptical
	12:30p	4 oz orange roughy	80
		caesar salad	220
		activia yogurt	70
	4:15p	gluten/fat free chips + salsa	100
		pudding	45
		2 apricots	34
	8p	caesar salad	300
		2 meatballs	125
		lasagna	300			137/83	68
			1451	966.00
5/18/2008	9a	whey protien + soy milk	177		229
	3p	turkey and ham subway salad	150
	6p	pear	81
		orange roughy	180
		activia yogurt	70
		bracolli	24
	8p	36 minutes ellipticala
	9:15p	pudding	45			146/85	72
			727	1690.00
5/19/2008	7a	whey protien + soy milk	177		229
		apple	70
	12:30p	salad and vinegarette	130
		chilli (quiznos)	140
	2:45p	pickle spear	5
	3p	panera mediteranian veggie sandwich - 1 slice bread removed	200
	6p	2xboca+parmisan	200			146/93	68
		salad and vinegarette	100
		activia yogurt	70
	9p	52 minutes stationary bike
	10p	italian ice	120
			1212	1205.00
5/20/2008	7a	whey protien + soy milk	177		227	133/79	68
	12:30p	ahi tuna and salad + vinegarette	220
		hot-n-sour soup	60
	3p	pear	81
	7p	ham and whole grain wrap + lettuce	215
		activia yogurt	70
		pudding	45			128/73	75
	8p	30 minutes stationary bike
			868	1549.00
5/21/2008	7a	south beach breakfast bar	140		227
	12:30p	1/2 bowl chilli	350
		3/4 house salad w/vinegarette (cheese and walnuts)	200
	8p	healthy choice chicken and rice	210
		activia yogurt	70
		pudding	45
	9:30p	sliced turkey breast	60			133/74
			1075	1342.00
5/22/2008	6:45a	whey protien + soy milk	177		228.5
	11:30a	apple	70
	12p	orange	60
		granola bar (whole grain)	180
		trail mix bar	140
	5p	8.5 oz beef roast	502
	6p	peach	38
		30 minutes elliptical				126/76	70
			1167	1250.00
5/23/2008	3:30a	whey protien + soy milk	177
	6a	banana	72
	11:30a-4p	indy: 5 pork ribs; 2 drumsticks; 2 thighs; 1 breast (all small)	1778
	8p	roast beef + english muffin + cheese	510
		6 cookies (bad dave)	540			137/82	69
			3077	(660.00)
5/24/208	7:30a	whey protien + soy milk	177		228.5
	10:30a	apricot	17
	11:20a	banana	72
	12:30p	english muffin+turkey slices+cheese	240
	6:30p	8 oz turkey breast	429
		salad + ranch free	70
		fruit (canteloupe + grapes)	50
	7p	slice of roast beef (1oz)	59
	8p	60 minutes elliptical						500
	9p	30 minutes stationary bike				126/70	73	200
			1114	1303.00

In for a penny, in for a pound...

2008-05-24T21:56:00.002-05:00

So, as I sit here pondering life, I have a pup between my legs and another bitching at me from the wings.

I started to put an update here of everything that's happened since I left, but erased it... several times. If you want to know, go ahead and ask :-)

Instead, I'm writing about health and wellness. I'm a compulsive eater, and have been for years. Twice in my life I've allowed myself to tip the scales at nearly 3 spins and twice I've lost significant weight, like 120 pounds the first time and now over 60 pounds most recently. Why do we eat, especially when we're not hungry? For me, it was a crutch, like cigarettes, which I've had to quit also (3 months now). Stress, nerves, anxiety were all triggers to eat. The crappier the food the better too.

Why do we keep eating when we know it's going to kill us? Oversimplified you say?

Obesity contributes to sleep apnea. Doctors are learning that sleep apnia now contributes to many ailments, including hypertension and heart failure. I can personally attest to this. I'll go into those gory details another time.

In the last couple of weeks I've had several people ask me how I have been losing weight; what's my secret. It's no secret really; eat right and exercise. One guy at work is 37 and was told by his doctor that his blood pressure sucked, liver enzymes were too high and if he didn't change his habits he was heading for an early grave. That news shook him up. My telling him that cutting red meat out of his diet might have shaken him up more. I have two more guys at work that are both over 400 pounds. It's hard to watch them struggle to move around, and the work they do sometimes requires a good deal of dexterity and activity.

Recently my company decided to hire a dietitian to meet and consult to our employees. She had back to back appointments for two consecutive days, and we only have about 50 employees in our office, over half of them are usually out of the office on any given day. People are clearly interested, but are they committed to health?

Healthy habits aren't easy. I've screwed it up many times. But at 42 I want to live the remainder of my life on my terms and not be at the mercy of doctors, medicines, and bad health.

Well that's what I claim at the moment anyway. Healthy living is a day to day proposition. It would be so easy to fall out of my current healthy routine, eat a quart of Moosetracks and begin the downward spiral of guilt, shame and eating.

So here are my "BIG" rules of healthy eating. I'll post more information over what specific foods I've been eating over the next several days.

Eat mostly fish, chicken, turkey. Little or no red meats. When red meat, eat lean cuts and

small portions. Same with pork.

Avoid starchy veggies like corn and carrots. Favorites are red, yellow and green peppers;

radishes; green beans; peas

Limit breads; when you eat breads eat whole grain; jewel sells wraps that are gluten free;

fat free and only 50 calories per serving

Avoid anything with enriched or processed flour

Avoid processed meats; turkey sausage is ok once in a while

No fried foods; grill and broil when cooking

No caffine

Limit soda; no more than 1 diet, caffine free, low sodium per day; sierra mist; diet 7-up;

diet sprite

Drink water or flavored seltzer water; LaCroix or Canfields

Skim milk or soy milk only - limit to one serving per day

Watch the "low fat" foods - they are loaded with sodium

Snack on fruits

Watch nuts; they can be high in fat and sodium (even the ones that are supposed to be

good for you)

Use meal replacement shakes and bars; read the labels; I use Wild Harvest organic whey

protien with 8oz of soy milk from Jewel. These are not snacks, they are replacements

Special order when dining out. They will always do requests. Also, only eat half of your

portion for foods that are questionable like soup.

Learn how many calories are in what you eat. Use www.calorieking.com and

www.calorie-count.com

I often use measuring cups and a postage scale to make sure I know how much food

I'm eating

Potatos in moderation if at all

No real eggs - buy eggbeaters or the store brand

No salt - get rid of your salt shaker - you'll get all the sodium you need from your food.

Use Mrs Dash. (Ok, sometimes I'll use a dry rub on some meats, but I really use it sparingly)

Exercise between 30-60 minutes daily (elliptical or stationary bike for me)

Weigh yourself before bed and in the morning. I will typically vary 2-3 pounds from night to day.

Log your food and weight daily. I find keeping myself accountable makes it easier to

stick with the diet.

See a nutritionist if you can't find the discipline on your own. Having to spend money

should keep you accountable.

Get your blood tested every 3-6 months when you've been able to make some progress

Consult your doctor with this program. Make sure they're ok with it. My nutritionist

recommends I eat a minimum of 1300 calories, but I eat when I'm hungry and I only eat a

reasonable portion until I'm sated.

Never skip breakfast. Even if it's just an apple or banana.

Shoot for 1-3 pounds per week weight loss

1 pound lost requires a 3500 calorie deficit

There are metabolic rate calculators on the web. Some incorporate your activity level in their

calculation, but they all tell you how many calories you should consume to maintain weight.

Use this as a guide to know what to consume to lose weight.

http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/

http://walking.about.com/cs/calories/l/blcalcalc.htm

Remember that as you lose weight you need to recalculate your basal metabolic rate

Allow yourself to splurge once in a while. Even plan out when you'll allow yourself to have a

slice of pie, cake, or a steak.

Protien is your friend, but don't try Atkins… it's misleading and dangerous. Watch carbs,

sugars, and fats.

I went to Indy today, and all I got was this stupid look on my face

2008-05-23T22:39:00.002-05:00

I went to Indy today, and all I got was this stupid look on my face

My biz partner and I took a road trip to Indianapolis today on an invitation from a certain software vendor who is trying to woo our allegience to their cause. I left about 3:30am to get there by 8am. We were 20 minutes late, but it was not a big deal. We listened to was remained of their presentations, then loaded into a group of SUV's and made our way to the track. I had a nice talk with another guest from Ottawa Canada while our driver fiddled her way through the traffic, getting honked and yelled at by the other drivers who were as baffled as we were by her erratic driving. At one point she just stopped and waited for the caravan to catch up to her, leaving the cops and the drivers behind us screaming and yelling at us to move.

I was not optimistic about any racing, and my pessimism was well founded as nothing happened. Instead we dined on pork ribs and fried chicken. My gut is still revolting over the breach of my diet. We talked to a lot of folks from our host and learned some much needed information about them.

About 12:30 three time Indy winner Johnny Rutherford came in and spoke to our group for a long while. His visit likely prolonged due to the incliment weather. For the record, his favorite production car is the Corvette (yay me!), former drivers can actually drive the speed limit, although he's had officers of the law acuse him of continuing to race, and he likes the taste of milk.

I'm such a dork.

We left early, forgoing a Stone Temple Pilots concert and I crossed my threshold about 8pm tonight, tuckered out, and ready to eat more bad food. I'll have to atone for my sins this weekend.

50,000 words! I win!

2007-11-25T17:13:00.000-06:00

I've done it! Well, to a point. I passed the 50,000 word goal for nanowrimo today. yay for me. However, my book's not done yet. So, the writing continues. My reward? This nifty link, a certificate suitable for framing (lol) and a sweet icon.

It's that time of year again!

2007-10-21T20:08:00.001-05:00

I got an email from one of my buddies last week telling me to get off my ass and start writing again. With the start of National Novel writing month approaching I've been trying to think of some themes and plots to put into words. My first several ideas ran along the lines of those I tried last year; good vs evil with some supernatural intrigue. My wife, not being the sort to withhold her opinion, let me know that she'd heard those plots before - last year... I guess I naturally gravitate to those themes as they are most interesting to me and what I often read in the likes of people like Dean Koontz.

I also read a lot of mystery, suspense and action novels, but I don't have enough research time for some of these nor do I know enough about how criminal investigation or the legal system works to pull those off right now.

This of course leaves me in the realms that would allow me to completely make things up without fear of losing credibility on the trivial mater of fact lol.

As I sit hear tonight the two leading thoughts are:

1) a story of a family coping with life when it's learned that fossil fuels have suddenly become so scarce that they can no longer be sold to the public given the out of control consumption of asia causing global economic turmoil, political chaos, and a chain reaction of events changing life as they knew it.

2) a compilation of short stories which are the back stories behind a single days newspaper headlines with several intertwined and related characters showing that while the world plods through each day thinking nothing happened despite the vignettes that make the daily news

Tick tock, tick tock... .November 1st is just around the corner so I'd like to have more than just the plot determined prior to the start of the contest.

I don't suppose any of you are participating in nanowrimo this year, are you? If you are, add me as a writing buddy! I can use all the encouragement I can get!

Boo!

Last week in photos

2006-11-26T20:19:00.000-06:00

If you wake tomorrow morn

2006-11-23T01:13:00.001-06:00

If you wake tomorrow morn

To frost covered limb

Take care where you step

Be wary of whim

For the chill made brittle

What once was warm

Shut off from light

Anticipating the storm

Footfalls leave proof

Of your reckless ways

Compressed by the weight

Signifying your lack of praise

And when light shines

Upon the damage done

Tracks turn to mist

Rising toward the sun

Yet the pain persists

Though no proof remains

Of a life once loved

And a love wrought with pains

Where the pavement ends

2006-11-05T03:59:00.001-06:00

Where the pavement ends

And the road turns rough

My journey begins

And I call my own bluff

Tis the light of life that I request

To receive without fear

An illuminated soul as blessed

As Your mothers virgin tear

Would the heavens open to me

Your love shall guide me home

The Fathers hand will set me free

And no more shall my soul roam

In no one I trust

2006-11-04T09:29:00.001-06:00

In no one I trust

I keep it hidden

In a place only I know

Covered by darkness

Buried in distance

Mired in deception

Scarred by time

Innocence lost

I hide it from trust

I keep it to myself

Yet alone it has no value

A corrosive parasite

Struggling to be free

It cannot be free

There is no sanctuary

Another cut begets extinction

And in no one I trust

Time to put my writing hat on...

2006-11-02T20:09:00.000-06:00

I was too tired to write about it last night, but I attended a 2 hour meeting of the National Novel Writers Month, a.k.a. nanowrimo last night. My guess is that there were nearly 20 aspiring novelists in attendance with every age group represented. I was expecting something resembling a writing workshop with the topic of how to approach novel writing. It was nothing like that.

There were three people organizing the event which was held at the Naperville Public Library (95th street branch). The first activity had the organizers applying pictures of fictional and non-fictional characters on everyone's back. Each person was to seek out others and ask yes or no questions of that person until you figured out who you were. I was Medussa, and yes, I figured it out before the time was up.

Next, Tim Yao explained what nanowrimo was and fielded a couple of questions. I was still scratching my head at this point.

The third exercise was to move to different tables then write one truth and one lie about yourself, written as a novel, and then were were to guess which was which. Of the four at our table only two of us completed both truth and lie in the 3 minutes given.

Lastly, we sang, yes, sang a parody of Jimmy Buffet's Margarittaville which was recorded to be put on the nanowrimo website.

Mind you, aspiring writers aren't generally known for their gregarious personalities. And as I said, this was not exactly what I'd expected, but I enjoyed it.

As a side note, they put me on to a free novel writing tool, papel. I've yet to use it but I'm going to take a close look at it.

So, the gist of nanowrimo is a contest during November to write 50,000 words in a novel. At midnight on the last day of November, your work becomes a pumpkin, so to speak. Something I didn't realize until I'd registered on the nanowrimo site is that the novel has to be started from scratch; no existing work may be used.

So, out goes Red Crisis and The Ritual. I need another concept, and fast. Here are my ideas thus far:

A story of a middle aged man who is not happy and is contemplating the worth and meaning of his life and whether it's worth continuing. As he teeters between life and death he reflects on the years that have passed.
A story of survival of a suburban family after a total collapse of civilized infrastructure... no utilities, police, fire... nothing...
A story of a man's family ancestry and the interesting, and sometimes disturbing things he learns about them, and himself along the way.

That's all I can think of at the moment. Any thoughts? Suggestions? Anyone gonna play this game with me?

Oh the stories your hands could tell...

2006-11-02T19:11:00.000-06:00

If a picture paints a thousand words, how many words are contained in the stories your hands can tell?

For no particular reason I was looking at my hands yesterday and began to think of the many events in my life reflected in the scars and disfigurements of my hands. Of course, some of these stories have left visible reminders, yet others exist in wrinkles of my mind, only to be shaken loose by the mere sight of these instruments of tenderness, toil, passion and anger.

On the underside of the middle finger on my right hand there lies a scar just above the 2^nd knuckle. I must have been three years old when it happened. I scarcely remember how I received the injury, except that I had decided to climb the face of metal shelving and at some point had lost my footing leaving me dangling from a shelf, gripping the edge. Regardless of the shelving being upside down or right side up, the ledge that I happened to be clinging to possessed a lip which sliced into the meat of my fingers on both hands. Why I don’t have more scars, or a missing finger is a mystery to me. I can only imagine how freaked out my mother must have been.

Both of my pinky fingers are disfigured, yet fit snuggly against the ring finger on each hand. Several years separate each injury, yet both occurred in my youth.

My family took frequent camping and fishing vacations when I was young, and one such vacation took us to a park in eastern Iowa. It’s funny how I can’t remember if it were Strawberry Point or Keokuk now. Either way, I was as apt to wander off into the thick of the forest then as I am now. However, at that point, probably aged 12 or 13 I didn’t know the difference between a hand and a machete. This was made clear to me when I was karate chopping the weeds in front of me, clearing a path, when one of those weeds happened to have a thorn which lodged itself in the knuckle of the little finger on my right hand. Needless to say, this was painful and resulted in one of many trips throughout my life in Iowa to Dr. Velma in Schaller, 7 miles east of where I grew up.

My left little finger decided to take a left turn at the 2^nd knuckle during the 1^st half of a basketball game. It could have been Jr. High or High School and the game was, luckily for me, in Schaller, home of Dr. Velma. It occurred on an inbound pass and as I received the ball I had a momentary loss of sanity and attempted to catch the ball by ramming my little finger into it. This act resulted in a large “pop”, a ball dribbling back out of bounds, and me, doubled over clutching my deformed hand. ``Somehow, my mother was able to reach Dr. Velma who met us in her office only a couple of blocks from the gymnasium. Of course, nearly everything in these small Iowa towns is within a couple of blocks of each other. She reset the joint, which wasn’t pleasant, splinted it and of course, I returned to play the 2^nd half J

Being a lover, not a fighter, I had a serious issue with taking my frustrations out on inanimate objects by punching them, including school busses and steel reinforced gym lockers. This was clearly preferable to punching people, but as a result I have no knuckle to speak of on the little finger of my right hand and the middle knuckle of my right hand is permanently swollen and flat. Nice huh? This level of insanity may have preempted a few actual bouts of fisticuffs, but of course, that’s only my biased opinion. It’s a fact that after putting some serious hurt on a couple of school busses, nobody seemed to bother me much with the single exception of one freak of nature, who was ironically my wife’s boyfriend at the time of our confrontation. He decided to get into it with one of my friends, and being the goof I was, I stepped into the fray and left with a nose bleed and a bruised ego. Like I said, I was a lover, not a fighter.

There is a scar on the top of my right middle finger, just below the fingernail, where there used to be an enormous bump, it may have been a wart of some sort. I had it removed a few years ago after several years of getting it caught on things. It was in a most inconvenient location after all. I tried several times to remove it myself, each time resulting in much pain, blood and a larger growth. It started in the basement of my parent’s antique store when I was 15 or 16. The basement contained my father’s workshop where we made and refinished furniture. On this occasion I was making a cut on the table saw when my wood slipped through accelerating my guide stick forward and pushing my hand into the blade. I totally freaked out, and ran to the main floor. The cut was deep and my finger throbbed like the dickens. How my parents put up with me I’ll never know.

These stories are the easy ones to remember, and it probably says something about my persona that the easiest stories to remember are those involving injury and pain. There are others though.

In high school, as now, I was a very physically demonstrative lad. I didn’t have many girlfriends then, or ever, but I seemed to often have one from my sophomore year. After consolidating schools that year with the neighboring town of Holstein I dated two girls throughout the remainder of school, both of them were members of the percussion section in our high school band, as was I. Our lunch room was in the grade school building located two blocks west of the high school meaning we got a 4 block walk each day for lunch. Of course two small town blocks are about the length of one city block. When I was going “steady” with someone it was common to make this walk to and from lunch holding hands. Would that even be allowed today? I don’t even know. I’ve seen much more contact these days than we might have imagined then… well… maybe I imagined it, but really… that was the grist of the rumor mills then, not reality.

Sweaty palms. Sweaty palms seemed to be the benchmark of whether someone really liked you or not, or so was the ole wives tale. So, we’d make the 4 block walk to and from lunch, sweaty palms and all.

These are the hands that stroked my wife’s soft as silk hair and marveled over how electric and magical the touch of her skin felt. These are the hands that held each of my children in their first moments of life and the mystery of life that spark radiated from their little bodies, through my fingertips, up my arms and warmed my soul.

Each wrinkle and every line contain another story, another memory and yet cupping both hands together, they hold the future; my future and that of those I love. What will be drawn from my mind as I gaze at these hands many years from now?

A very doggy halloween

2006-10-31T23:32:00.001-06:00

So what does it mean? Well, it means that I spent the day hiding from the office so I could make some progress on more planning only keeping in touch via email and a couple of phone calls. This works actually.

It was a mostly sunny day but chilly. I think the temp reached nearly 50 degrees. Thank goodness the wind wasn't blowing as bad as Mom and Dad had said it did in Iowa yesterday.

I promised my daughter that I'd be home early so we could go Trick or Treating. She'd surprised me over the weekend by asking to get a costume. She'd not wanted to go the last couple of years and with everything considered we didn't push the issue. I took her to "Party City" last night and we walked out with a Gangster Hat and Pimp Cane for her and custumes for each of the dogs. I bought my self a foam clown nose :-)

For some reason I thought my wife was working from 5-9pm tonight, but it turns out it was 1-5pm so I dressed the silkies and took them for a walk around the cul-de-sac... the really seemed to enjoy wearing their little costumes and prancing about!

After our little walk we took pictures of them for posterity, undressed them and got ready to take Harry out with Erin. Even though she's 14 I still didn't want her roaming around alone and she seemed to have no problems at all with going out with Dad :-)

To complete my daughter's costume I gave her one of my "skinny" white dress shirts and she borrowed a tie from her brother.

We set off into the chilled darkness, my daughter with an enormous pillowcase to carry her loot in, and of course Harry dressed as Count Dogula.

It was a good walk for all of us. Harry and I truly enjoyed watching my daughter delight in something she's missed for a few years now.

I hope all had a wonderful Halloween and I'll be speaking at you again soon!

Last weekend

2006-10-31T00:49:00.001-06:00

I've fallen behind on journaling so this is a bit of catch up work.

Friday 10/27/2006

Friday was chilly and gloomy. No good for photo taking. I canceled my weekly staff meeting since most of my staff was either at a customer working or on vacation. Instead, I spent the day racing to submit training requirements for the staff and dealing with corporate politics. I was able to spend a little time on our E-Myth business development too.

After getting home I watched part of the Texas Chain Saw Massacre with my daughter and the dogs My wife had also ordered Chinese for delivery. :-)

Saturday 10/28/2006

I couldn't have been happier to wake up to sunny and clear skies Saturday morning. It turned out that my daughter had a confirmation retreat that afternoon and I said that I'd take her to it. After some odds and ends I set out for downtown Naperville to take some photos. I'm convinced there isn't a better downtown area in the Chicago suburbs, with the Riverwalk, shops, and restaurants not to mention the frequent events that the township and merchants hold.

I spent the first part of the morning strolling along the Riverwalk and taking pictures. It's so nice to walk along, greeting strangers with a smile and taking everything in.

As I was walking back to my car I noticed a lot of kids in costume with their parents heading toward the downtown area... It turns out that there was a "Trick or Treat" thing happening with the downtown merchants. Being the photohound I am, I found a great place to watch and catch some shots. I am blown away by how many families participate in these events... I think it's great, even though some of the participants didn't exactly look thrilled. Sometimes the parents were flustered, other times the kids had had enough.

It was getting close to noon by now so I called home to make sure my daughter was getting ready for the retreat. I was surprised when my wife answered the phone as I expected her to be at the barn with the horse. She said she'd make sure my daughter was getting ready and that she'd be at the stable by then so I could pick my daughter up and take her to church. I snapped a couple of additional pictures with the extra little time and made my way back home.

Now home I let the pups outside for a spell and made sure the future confirmee was ready to go. I was pleased that she didn't put up a fuss and delivered her to the church on time. Not knowing or remembering the drill, I went in with her to learn that she'd be there until the 5 o'clock mass and I said that I'd return and be at the mass with her.

On the return home I decided to take my Australian Shepherd, Harry out on an afternoon adventure with me. I asked my 13 year old son if he'd like to join us, and of course he declined.

I no more than reached into the drawer in the laundry room for his leash when he began to dance and mewl in anticipation of a w-a-l-k. I grabbed the leash and miniature garbage pale containing the doggy bags and headed out the door with my sidekick.

I decided to return to downtown Naperville and walk along the riverwalk again. By this time, about 2:00 pm the costumed kids had cleared out and had been replaced by the ever present shoppers and strollers.

Harry was thrilled to be be out and about and as we people, goose and duck watched from the banks of the DuPage river.

We had a great day together, Harry and I. He truly enjoyed the walk and extra attention he received by passers by. Having spent about 3 hours strolling the riverwalk and making a loop through down we decided to load up and head home so I could clean up and get to mass.

Mass was awesome. I sat in the last row behind a young family with 5 children all under the age of 10; 3 boys and 2 girls. The love between the kids and parents as evident and a real boost for me. I wanted to tell the father what a beautiful family he had, but I thought that would come across as creepy so I didn't do it.

The Gospel reading was Mark Chapter 10 versus 46-52 about Jesus healing the blind man along the road outside of Jericho.

¹ They came to Jericho. And as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a sizable crowd, Bartimaeus, a blind man, the son of Timaeus, sat by the roadside begging.
: On hearing that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, son of David, have pity on me."
: And many rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he kept calling out all the more, "Son of David, have pity on me."
: Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." So they called the blind man, saying to him, "Take courage; get up, he is calling you."
: He threw aside his cloak, sprang up, and came to Jesus.
: Jesus said to him in reply, "What do you want me to do for you?" The blind man replied to him, "Master, I want to see."
: Jesus told him, "Go your way; your faith has saved you." Immediately he received his sight and followed him on the way.

The parish Priest is not emotive, but his faith is evident to me. He related to us, in short, that sight was just not simply a physical healing, but also a spiritual one. I want to see... I want to see the path...

I made chicken, pasta and green beans for supper and it was yummy.
Sunday 10/29/2006

How happy was I to see another sunny day? Well... not as happy as I might have thought, however I set out anyway for another day of adventure. For some reason I just couldn't see... I couldn't find the beauty I wanted to capture. I drove about and listened to my audio books searching... thinking... "Am I burned out on photography? On adventure? Why do I continue to do this?'

I wanted to get some covers for the rose bushes so as I drifted I looked for a garden shop to get my rose covers.

I was listening to the Bears kick the crap out of the 49'ers and behold, as I am making my way back home I drive through Downers Grove and discover a parade! I find a place to park, got a cup of decaf Caribou coffee and located a strategic place on the street.

We never had Halloween parades when I was young... at least not that I remember.

I got the rose covers, but everyone was sold out of wire stakes and I only had a few left from putting up the chicken wire fencing earlier in the summer. I put up four covers and cut back the roses, butterfly bushes, hibiscus and other plants that needed to be cut back.

That's what my weekend was like... how was yours?

A little story; Talking to strangers

2006-10-19T20:36:00.001-05:00

A couple of years ago I travelled to Washington D.C. to work on a five day project, installing a storage area network for a law firm. The customer's office was located in Georgetown, an area I think is called Foggy Bottom, near the Francis Scott Key bridge over the Patomac River into Virginia. Not knowing the area at all I had decided to stay in the Watergate Hotel, about half a mile from the customer's office.

Never having been to DC, and being a lover of history, I went out Saturday prior to the start of the project on Monday so I could spend some time sight seeing. I must have walked 20 miles Sunday, and being February it was still relatively cold. I loved seeing the monuments and even went to the Smithsonian. What a thrill. The national art gallery is something I'd recommend to anyone, even if you don't usually like art. It's awe inspiring.

The Watergate has a hotel complex, but also has condominium units where Condoleza Rice and former Secretary of Defense, Robert McNamara lived. I actually rode a stationary bike in the fitness center while Mr. McNamara was working out. Ironically enough, he wrote a book titlled "The Fog of War". I haven't read it. And I never spotted Dr. Rice either.

The rooms at the Watergate were ok. I'm sure they were first class once, but everything was aging, especially the carpets. Room service was good, and the lobby area was top notch with fine wood furniture and classic prints on the walls.

Each night, as I usually do, I'd visit the bar for a drink or two before settling into bed for the night. I even had a very nice steak dinner at the bar one or two of the nights there. I learned that this bar was favorite for the locals. Like much of the rest of DC, people were adorned in fine suits and dresses, except for me... I wore a suit every day for years when I worked in the 80's. I don't wear suits to work anymore.

The first night, while drinking a beer, eating bar nuts and listening to the multiple conversations I noticed an older gentleman sitting across the rectangularly shaped bar talking loudly... to nobody in particular, but also speaking to everyone at the same time.

I met some very interesting people there. A man who owned an international shipping firm; a woman who worked for another shipping firm, but one that handled food exports for charitable organizations to remote parts of the world. I met a couple of lawyers, but honestly, they weren't very interesting. There were others too. I just can't remember enough about them to write of them... except for the guy across the bar.

On one of the first few nights as I was discussing politics with another gentleman sitting next to me the man across the bar directed his open air conversation toward us. I don't remember exactly what the topic of discussion was, but apparently we had captured this man's attention. I was surprised how everyone was ignoring him, because he could be quite loud at times. This continued night after night. I would strike up a conversation with someone and he would begin directing his rant toward me. He seemed to be friendly with the bar staff, and I wondered just who he might be. "You really never could tell here", I thought. He could a politician, an influencial lawyer, a tycoon, or an ordinary citizen.

His intensity toward me had gotten to me so much that on the next to last night I was there I decided I was going to do something about it. I made sure to get to the bar early that night and I purposely sat in the very bar stool that he'd perched in each night that week. Before long I spied him entering the bar. He drifted behind me, then paced back and forth several times before taking a seat two stools to my right.

He was quite quiet for a long time after sitting down, only stopping the bartender on occasion to ask about the soup being served that night. I was getting the impression that the restaurant and bar staff wer accustomed to making exceptions for the man, including "giving" him soup. After about 30 minutes of his silence I asked the bartender to pour him a beer "on me" and I asked the man "How are you tonight?". Initially he was hesitant, and mumbly. I had to strain to hear what he was saying, however within a few minutes and my moving a stool closer to him we began to have a very nice conversation.

His name is Bill. He'd been going to the Watergate for over 30 years and was a retired accountant who'd worked for a construction contractor in DC as long or longerand he liked to fish in the Patomac. His wife had passed some years before and his children no longer lived in the area. We talked about how much DC had changed since he'd lived there, and about his career and the places he'd been and seen.

I was glad to have met Bill. He was a very interesting man. Each time since, when I have the occasion to travel for work and sit in the hotel bar, I look forward to meeting a new "Bill", as I talk to strangers.

All I need is love... and a job... and a little money

2006-10-17T13:55:00.000-05:00

Do you ever take a personality quiz, then months later take it again to see if you've changed? I didn't plan to do it, but I did.

Back in February of this year I took one such personality quiz and here was the outcome.

Love is most important in your life. A high love concentration indicates that you want love in your life. It is very important to you and something that you strive to attain. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

I took it again today.

Love is most important in your life.

A high love concentration indicates that you want love in your life. It is very important to you and something that you strive to attain.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

It's interesting how the results are similar and it's interesting to see what's changed

Sunday Sunday

2006-10-15T21:21:00.000-05:00

After sorting the bills and writing checks for those due in the coming week, I decided to take a drive. I lit out for the western territories and within 5 minutes I spotted two red tail hawks perched upon telephone poles within 100 yards of each other. A rare find. I quickly pulled off to the side of the road and attempted to capture them with my trusty camera. The first one flew off as soon as I stopped the car. The second one did too, but landed on another pole not far from me.

Have I said how much I like birds of prey? No? I'll have to do that...

I proceeded another 10 minutes west until reaching the Fox River in hopes that the bald eagles had returned. Alas, no bald eagles. But I did spot a vulture soaring high above.

I also spotted a tree full of large birds. Unfortunately I couldn't get close and the skies were cloudy and hazy so the photos aren't clear... I don't know what the heck they are.

Leaving the Fox River, I decided to explore areas I'd not been in a long while and drove west past Aurora. Some roads were beautifully lined with trees begining their seasonal changes.

I kept wandering until I came upon a park I'd not heard of before, and the name caused me to stop. Bliss Woods Nature Preserve seemed to be a good place to take a walk, and I was right.

The preserve is full of mature hardwoods with beautiful foliage, even though the leaves aren't quite ready to change.

I was surprised how few birds there seem to be in these woods. Usually if I can't see them, I can at least spot their movements in my peripheral vision or hear them. There were very few sounds, other than distant traffic and what sounded like gunfire. I came across a biker that asked if I'd seen the deer from where he'd just come and then directed me to where he'd seen it.

No deer.

I did see a number of chipmunks and squirrels though. They were busilly readying themselves for the winter... I'm sure there's some old time lore about when the rodents ready for the winter and an indication of the coming weather.

The park was split by a road, which I crossed and began to hear more gunfire and over time I was convinced the park neighbored a gun range. I did find a halloween tree through, and had a very nice walk in the process.

I left Bliss Woods and began the drive home. I was alternating between James Pattersons "Honeymoon" and Demone on the CD player. I really didn't see anything of consequence on the way home either, so I snapped a shot of a combine harvesting beans.

So, I got home, checked email, and played with the dogs.

I'm working on some homework for work, ironically an E-Myth exercise called "Key Frustrations" lol. You're supposed to make a list of things in the business that frustrate you and work through a system of classifying them and making a plan to solve them.

I hope the sun shone on you today, warmed your face, and if not your soul.

Sunny Saturday

2006-10-15T00:26:00.001-05:00

I'm getting used to this restful night of sleep thing. I woke up this morning about 8:30am, being a Saturday I had no scheduled commitments. I don't precisely remember what I did after I woke, but I probably played with the dogs, checked mail, returned mail, and read for comments on my short story.

My wife left for work before 9am and I looked for something to do today. Her computer had busted down a month or so ago, and as it was out of warranty support, I had setup an old laptop for her to use until I figured out what to replace it with.Since my son recently built his own new computer, he generously offered his old computer, which is the same exact model as hers was. I'd been sitting on this about a week, and she reminded me before she left that she'd like it set up.

I plugged it in and booted it up to find that it had an unregistered version of Windows on it.... I got it on the network and decided to head out to the library to return two audio books I had just finished, the last being Clive Cussler's The Sea Hunters. I wanted get some new audio books for the next couple of weeks too.

On route to the library my wife called and told me about a kite event being held just south of the library. She was watching a giant octopus kite undulate in the blue sky from her window. I thanked her and proceeded to the event.

It turns out it was the Naperville Vision event with numerous exhibits and demonstrations. I took some snaps of the kites, watched a couple of Fire Department demonstrations and did a quick walkthrough of the exhibits. Cool stuff.

I then went to the library, returned my books and checked out more (and found out my library card needed to be renewed). On the way home I decided I'd pick up some Popeye's chicken for the kids and my lunch.

So, I picked the food up and upon arriving home found that my 2 boys were up and about (it was about 12:45pm) while there was no movement from my daughter yet. I suspect she stayed up pretty late...

I asked my 13 year old son if he wanted to go to the Vision festival... he declined... he said he's seen kites and fire before. I asked if he'd like to go to a college football game... no.

My 20 year old was grazing around the kitchen and I learned he was planning to see a movie with his girlfriend, then go to a play at College of DuPage. He's a good man.

About 1:30pm I decided to go to the game by myself. As I got near the college I discovered it was homecoming weekend, so there were many more people than I'd anticipated.... a photographers joy! I found a spot to park and walked to the stadium. I arrived just as the 2nd half was getting underway and found a spot to park my carcass and take some shots.

I know for a fact, I enjoy watching the people attending the game almost as much as watching the game itself. At events like this, people are happy... having fun... enjoying the company of friends and family.

Yet in the midst of all the celebrating and comradery, there's a gnawing in the pit of my stomach... a yearning for something missing.

Naperville Central won the game by the way...

I returned home about 4:15 and spent some time in the yard pruning back the perenials and watched the dogs bounce around the yard, barking at anything that moved outside of the yard.

I pruned for about 45 minutes then came back inside and began to reload my wife's computer's operating system.

My wife returned home from work in a good mood and the kids came up from the catacombs to ask "what's for supper?". My 20 year old returned about this time too. I ran through the menu of options, finally settling on quesadilla's, which I began to prepare post haste. They were gobbled up and I dined on a couple of pieces of cold chicken left over from lunch.

My daughter had been dropping hints for the last day that she wanted to see the movie "The Grudge 2" and after eating, when we'd retired to the family room she asked if we were going to see a movie. Not thinking I'd enjoy it I groaned, then said we'd look to see what the show times were. I looked them up on yahoo movies and discovered a show started at 7:40... about 20 minutes from that time. I told her to get ready, asked if anyone else wanted to come with and we set out shortly thereafter.

I have to admit, I really enjoyed the movie, not because it was a good movie, but because of the company of my daughter. She and I giggled and mad fun of the show (quietly) for an hour and a half. I only jolted twice, and had goose bumps once.

It was a good day. The sun was shining, even after sunset.

Photo Friday - Destruction

2006-10-14T17:21:00.000-05:00

Near Biloxi Mississippi, September 28, 2006

The Ritual - A Friday the 13th short story

2006-10-14T10:11:00.001-05:00

The Ritual

(Please don't read if you're easily offended or have a weak stomach)

Part I

(1)

“Hey… you want another beer?” Steve asked as he rose slowly from the log he’d been sitting on.

Jack pressed his bottle to his lips and threw back his head, downing his remaining brew in one gulp.

“Only if you’re buying” Jack replied, tossing the empty bottle over his shoulder, the bottle crashing into the pile of dead soldiers the two had drained this evening. “When did the guys say they’d get here? At this rate, we’re gonna run out” he said as Steve twisted the top from another Heini and handed it to him.

Steve groaned, and stumbled a bit as he settled back onto his log, which was positioned between the makeshift campfire the two had lit and the dense forest lining the banks of the Mississippi river.

“They should be here within the hour” Steve replied. “And yeh, we’re gonna be cutting it close with the beer. We might just have to break out the hard stuff before they get here.”

Jack laughed, “Their bad for not getting here in time”.

Steve, Jack, Dwayne, and Luke had been meeting in the woods to get drunk and stupid for twenty years, since their freshman year of college. Well, at least Steve, Jack and Luke’s. The year following high school graduation Steve had entered the State University’s Engineering program. Luke, the local community college to study architecture and Jack, a small private college a two hour drive from their home town. Dwayne had taken a job with a local manufacturer after high school and still worked there to this day.

In the early years, the boys met up at a local resort lake and pretended to fish along the lakeshore. The truth told, the lines were thrown out, but not checked until it was time to head to their respective homes two days, and several gallons of alcohol later.

Many stories had been created over the years on these trips, some ledgendary, and it amazed them none of them had been badly injured or killed in their follies.

One such exploit included M80 fishing; an experience of lighting M80 firecrackers and tossing them into the water timed to explode just as the explosive reaches the water. An M80 is basically a quarter stick of dynamite. The concussion of the charge would stun any nearby fish, resulting in a layer of the finned creatures side and belly up on the waters surface.

On yet another occasion, coincidentally enough Jack and Steve were early and waiting for the other two to arrive. Having started the drinking affair at around two in the afternoon they were sufficiently plied for Dwayne and Luke to find Steve passed out, pants around his ankles sitting and slumped in the toilet. Jack was passed out on the lake shore… up to his knees in lake water.

It was a ritual, in spite of the protests of their wives, each now having been married for some time. A “testosterone release” weekend is what their spouses had referred to it for several years now. Actually as the years progressed, their trysts with the local ladies had fallen by the wayside, either in a lack of interest, or in just being plainly too drunk to make the effort.

This year was different. Steve had recently received divorce papers from his wife of 20 years. Madeleine had actually attended the same high school as the quartet, and was known to all four as “Mean Maddy” for her temper and lack of sense of humor. It was a blessing for Steve really, but he wasn’t taking it as such. They had one child together, Derik, born just five months after their last-minute wedding. Derik was Steve’s life and was now a sophomore in the same University engineering program Steve had been in so long ago. Even though Steve had been miserable for the last several years, he had been in a terribly foul mood since receiving the papers, just a month ago.

This year was different too, because the set up was new. In an effort to mix things up, Jack thought Steve could use the change in scenery and arranged for the four to meet along the banks of the Mississippi River near Prairie du Chien, Wisconsin. It’s a beautiful sight with scenic bluffs, caves, hardwood trees, and abundant wildlife.

“What if they can’t find the place?” Steve asked.

“Hell, I drew them a map!”Jack replied. “If they can’t find this place, they’re dumber than I thought”

(2)

“That ain’t saying much, now is it?” a familiar voice said from the trees behind the two perched on their logs.

“Heya shit-head!” Steve said as he got up to meet the two laggards.

Dwayne and Luke emerged from the dense brush, each carrying a large cooler, sloshing and emitting the sounds of ice bouncing against bottles.

Dwayne made a toothy grin and said “So who’s the dumb one’s here?”

Jack looked at both of them returning the grin, “I guess that would be me since you’ve got the beer!”

The four exchanged hearty greetings and pleasantries and spent the next hour catching up on old times. Luke’s oldest son was graduating high school this year and was on delayed entry for the Marine Corps. Jack and his wife, yes, Jill had never had children and the two were planning for an early retirement, which meant a move from city life to a twenty acre horse ranch in south-western Colorado near Durango. Dwayne was still working his way up the corporate ladder, having landed a comfortable management position for the manufacturing company since their last get-together. And then there was Steve. Everyone had known his marriage was on the rocks were actually surprised it had taken so long for events to lead to a divorce. Nobody wanted to take Steve down by dwelling on this and avoided the topic until Steve stood up suddenly, a bit off balance, tossing his bottle into the fire and said, “And me!.... the bitch wants to divorce me! What the hell do you think of that? Mean Maddy wants a divorce!”

“I’m really sorry man” said Luke, also standing to get another round of beer. Luke put his arm around Steve. “You knew this day would come… c’mon Steve… you deserve a better life than what you’ve been living… you know that…”

Steve looked at Luke hard. “How the hell can you say that?” he slurred. “What the hell do you know anyway? You never liked her. None of you liked her. You guys screwed up my marriage!”

“What are you talking about Steve” Dwayne said, with emphasis on “what”.

“Jus shutup.. I dunwanna talk anmore”. Steve was crashing fast. “I godda pish” he said as he stumbled into the woods and out of sight of the remaining three.

“He’s taking it pretty hard, huh?” Luke said, returning to the fire with three cold bottles of suds.

Dwayne said to Jack, “How long has he been like this?”

“He hasn’t” replied Jack. “It’s the beer talking. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s saying”

“I dunno man” said Dwayne. “Steve’s a pretty easy going guy, even more so when he’s drunk. You remember that time we were at the lakes in Schmidty’s bar? By the end of the night he was so far gone he was singing Irish songs and buying the bar rounds… He’s everyone’s buddy when he’s drunk…. This is bad”

Jack took a long pull on the beer. “Ack… he’ll get over it”

Luke looked at Jack for a long while.

“What?” Jack asked.

“Does he know?” replied Luke.

“What…”

“Don’t” Luke interrupted. “Don’t play games. Does Steve know?”

Dwayne lowered his beer, and gazed at the Luke, then at Jack. “Yeh man, does he know?”

“Nah…” Jack said looking at Luke, then at Dwayne. “No way… how could he?”

Part II

(3)

Thirty minutes had passed since Steve had the call of nature and trod off into the woods. The trio had been talking over the situation when Luke stood up and strode to the edge of the trees. It was a new moon and the only light available was from the riverside fire.

“Damn” he muttered. He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled into the pitch, “Steve! You fall asleep in there?”

There was no reply. The only sounds were the crackle of the fire, the chips of frogs and insects and the occasional screech of an owl.

Luke yelled again, “Dude! You ok?”

Nothing.

“He’s probably passed out… It’s not like he’s never done that before” Jack said, tossing another log in the fire.

“Yeh, you’re probably right. He was pretty piss drunk and pissed off when he went in there” replied Luke.

Dwayne stood up and let out a yell, like Tarzan of the Jungle. “I godda pish too” he said, mocking Steve’s departure. “Any of you boy scouts have a flashlight?”

Jack tossed a black mag-lite at Dwayne, hitting him square in the chest.

Rubbing the spot where the flashlight had bounced off his chest and onto the ground, Dwayne strained to bend over and picked up the implement. “You always were a jackass”. He turned on his heel, clicked on the light and stepped into the brush.

(4)

After taking care of business, and seeing no signs of Steve, Dwayne surveyed the surrounding woods, scanning the area with the beam of the light, which seemed to get sucked up by the darkness, only showing the trunks and thickets directly in front of the light.

“Steve?” he called into the darkness.

Seeing nothing, hearing nothing, Dwayne worked his way slowly away from the camp. The underbrush of leaves and twigs cracked so loudly that he felt as if anything did move, namely Steve, he’d not be able to hear him. Every ten or fifteen steps Dwayne would stop and spread the light in a circle around him, seeing nothing but bark, thorns and leaves.

“Thwack!”

Dwayne didn’t hear it. He didn’t see it coming. Out of the blackness swung a four foot pick axe, with a solid iron head. The tip of the tool entered Dwayne’s head just under his left eye and lodged it’s eight inch spear with a solid thud into his skull. He fell to his knees, and keeled forward. There was no chance to yell or call for help, or even to fight back. The impact with the ground only drove the axe deeper into his brain. He was dead within thirty seconds.

(5)

“Those two must be getting it on in there” Jack said after another thirty minutes had passed since Dwayne followed Steve into the woods.

“You think?” asked Luke. “Oh well… too bad for them… just means more beer for us.”

By this time, Jack had consumed nearly a twelve pack, and Luke was catching up fast. The two continued to reminisce, and at one point Jack began dancing through the camp fire, throwing a storm of sparks sailing skyward.

“So what if he found out” Jack said, as he jigged in the hot coals. “He such a pussy… what’s he gonna do anyway?”

“I don’t think you want to find out Jack…” said Luke. “I sure as hell don’t want to find out.”

Luke rose and said “I’m gonna see where the hell those two have wandered off to.”

“I might as well come with” said Jack, stepping out of the fire and shaking the embers from his boots. “And when we find those two doing each other over a stump, I’m gonna kick their asses” He let out a chortle, and grabbed another mag-lite from his bag.

Jack and Luke tried to shake the barley induced fog from their heads as they slowly picked their way around the trees and brambles. Luke followed Jack closely, as the beam of the light trailed off at about ten feet. They were only ten minutes into the walk when Jack crashed his head into something hanging from above.

“Damn!” he cried out.

“What! What!” Luke said as Jack lurched forward, putting his head in his hands.

The beam of the light shone upward as Jack raised his hands to his head. Hanging from a limb, directly above them was Dwayne. A rope bound his feet together and was strung over a thick tree limb. Jack had hit his head on the blunt end of the pick axe, still protruding from the place where only an hour ago, Dwayne’s eye had been.

“Jesus Christ!” yelled Luke. “Holy Mother of God!”

Blood was dripping from the end of the axe, onto the ground at their feet, staining the leaves and soil below a deep purple in the dim light of the mag-lite.

“Damn Jack! It’s Dwayne!” Luke was beginning to panic. Streams of sweat were pouring from his face, dripping from his chin and the tip of his nose.

Jack was rubbing the top of his head with one hand, and shone the light on Dwayne with the other.

“I see that…” he replied. “What the…”

Jack directed the beam up Dwayne’s inverted body, to the rope over the limb and followed it back down to find it tied around the trunk of another tree. Luke was still sputtering, repeating himself and sweating profusely.

“C’mon… Help me get him down” Jack said as he moved to the rope tied around the tree.

“Christ man, he’s dead!” Luke whined.

“No shit man! We might be next if we don’t get ourselves together and get out of here.” Both of the men were now dead sober. Jack cut through the rope with a utility knife he had strapped to his belt and slowly lowered Dwayne’s body to the ground.

“We’re going to have to carry him back to the fire, and then see if we can find Steve.” Jack said as he reached down and pulled the axe from his life long friend’s face. A sickening suction sound was made as he yanked at the handle. Luke instantly doubled over and vomited.

“You’re worthless” Jack said, hefting Dwayne over his shoulder and starting the walk in the opposite direction from which they’d come.

“Well excuse the hell out of me Jack!” Luke yelled in return. He followed Jack as fast as his jelly legs would allow him.

(6)

Back at the fire, now a pile of hot embers, Jack laid Dwayne’s body next to the log they’d been sitting on throughout the day. He took a small blanket from his bag and covered his friend’s face and upper body. Next, he reached into Steve’s backpack and extracted another flashlight, handing it to Luke.

“Since you’re so pathetic, you go back to the car and drive to town and get the police. I’m going back in to find Steve.” He didn’t wait for Luke to argue, but stepped around him and re-entered the forest.

Luke was slack jawed, staring at the lifeless body of the man he’d considered his best friend since childhood. He couldn’t believe this was happening. In a moment of clarity, he reached in his pocket and plucked out his cell phone. Flipping the lid open he checked for a signal. No bars.

“Damn Dwayne” he said to his friend. “I can’t just leave you here…” He was weeping by now. He bent over, gathered his friend from the ground, and hefted him over his shoulder.

Luke had made it back to the parking area, stopping along the way to lean against a tree and catch his breath, and his wits. Since Dwayne had driven, Luke summoned the courage to reach in Dwayne’s pocket and retrieve the keys to the rental they’d driven to the park. No sooner had he laid Dwayne into the back seat and stood back up Luke heard the crunch of gravel directly behind him. He spun around and…

Part III

(7)

Was there a psycho on the loose? Maybe. Stranger things had happened. Jack ran the gauntlet of possibilities as he slowly snaked his way through the eerie darkness. This was Wisconsin he thought, home of Jeffrey Dahmer and Edward Gein. Christ, was he going to wind up in a vat, or as a skin lamp sitting in someone’s living room?

The snapping of branches to his right caused him to spin and freeze, training his beam in the darkness. The crushing of underbrush continued and a pair of eyes reflected back to him… eyes attached to a small deer. They stared at each other for a brief moment, before the animal leapt away. He was losing it now.

Tentatively, Jack pushed further into the trees, fighting the urge to turn and run. A thought seized him. What if this was Steve out here? Maybe Steve had lost it. What did that bitch Maddy say to him? What did she tell him? Would it be enough to make Steve go mad? Steve was Jack’s best friend after all. He decided that there was no way anything Mean Maddy could say anything that would make Steve slide this far. Not far enough to kill. In his entire life, Steve hadn’t harmed a soul. This was way past what Steve was capable of.

Jack was stepping through a thick clump of thorny bushes when he tripped over what he thought was a downed tree. The mag-lite had flown from his grip in the impact with the ground and was shining back upon him, laying five feet in front of him. He’d landed on his hands and knees, and luckily not fallen upon anything. Rising to his knees, he brushed the leaves and dirt from his hands and looked around him to see what had caused his fall. His heart sank. Three feet behind him, protruding from the clump of branches exposed by the light were a pair of boots… Steve’s boots.

He was speechless. Steve was laying face down in the thorny thicket and wasn’t moving. Grabbing the light, Jack began to pull the branches off of his friend, shredding his hands on the thorns in the process. He had cleared enough of the thicket from the body to pull Steve out. Jack reached down to grab Steve around the waist when a shroud of darkness cloaked his eyes.

(8)

Jack’s neck was throbbing, shooting pain through his spine into the base of his skull which bounced in his head. He blinked to clear his eyes, but the pitch of the night provided nothing to focus on. Attempting to stand, he discovered his hands were bound, as well as his feet.

“What the hell is going on? What do you want?” he called out.

A blaze of light scorched his face, followed by a voice. A familiar voice.

“You’re awake” the voice said. “I was starting to think you’d just die. I’m glad we get to have this little chat now”

“What the hell are you doing out here?” Jack asked. “Did you…”

“Yes. I did” said the voice. “Steve… he was too drunk to even know he was being murdered.”

Jack struggled against his bindings, trying to free himself from certain death.

“Dwayne? I never did like him… always saying “man” and “dude”. I enjoyed sticking him.”

“God…” Jack sighed. “Why are you doing this?”

“Ah Luke… he was sweet. But he had to go, didn’t he. I mean, we can’t have loose ends now, can we?” the voice replied, moving closer.

“C’mon… don’t do this…” Jack was pleading now.

“You left me no choice, now did you… Jack. You had already told Luke and Dwayne our little secret. That’s why I had to take care of their little loose ends before I came here”

“You didn’t…” said Jack.

“Oh, but I did. Who else have you told, Jack? You were going to tell Steve too weren’t you?”

“Why would I do that? Nobody would benefit from that…” Jack plead.

“Now now, don’t lie. Did you tell Jill? No, you wouldn’t have done that… would you have… you don’t have the spine.”

The voice moved closer to Jack and he could see the outline of… a pick axe… the same one that he’d pulled from Dwayne not so long ago. He thought of his wife, the plans they’d made, the ranch in Colorado… all drifting away from him now.

“I’d lose everything” the voice said. “The house, the money, the kids. That just won’t do”

The figure raised the weapon high, and as it began to fall toward his head, Jack said softly, “Maddy, please don’t, Derik’s our son…” Jack closed his eyes, and lowerin his head his last words were, “Steve… I’m so sorry”

Can you read my mind?

2006-10-10T23:29:00.001-05:00

Can you see my future?
Can you read my mind?
What does my future hold?
Or does my soul leave you blind?

In the pitch of my spirit
where my secrets lay
can you penetrate the fortress
built to contain my faults?

Are you a fraud?
a charlatan
preying upon the weak
in the bidding of the adversary?

I cannot see your path
but this i know
beware with whom you've aligned
your partnership for your soul

Sunday, Bears, Deer, Dogs, Oh my

2006-10-08T22:40:00.000-05:00

Sunday, October 8 2006

I got a great night sleep last night... which is a fantastic switch from a couple of weeks ago. I don't know if it is being off of the Wellbutrin, having just returned from a great vacation, or just pure luck, but I'll take it

I rose at a decent time, about 8:30am, caught up on emails, and comments on my blogs. I was happily surprised to have received a response to an email I'd sent to my son in the Marines stationed in Iraq. I'd sent him a heartfelt letter about a month ago, and he replied with an equally heartfelt response. I don't know where this leaves things with us, but it was a nice way to begin the day.

I played with the dogs, made a sausage and egg breakfast and prepared for the day. Lisa and I had talked about taking the kids out, but nothing was planned. The leading candidate was to go fossil hunting in the Mazone area south of Wilmington, about a 45 minute drive. Lisa called one of her horse friends (not a horse, but a friend with a horse) and headed out to the stable about 10:30. Knowing it would be a few hours before she returned, I asked the kids if they wanted to go to the Oktoberfest with me. The response was a resounding "NO", so I decided to go by myself.

I made a quick stop at Kohls and bought a couple of new shirts, and was treated to an additional 15% off on top of the 50% off, so I got 2 nice shirts for about $25. I put one on, as I didn't like the shirt I was wearing, and proceeded downtown to see how the German festivities were coming along.

The tent erected for Oktoberfest was on a city parking lot, and was much less crowded today than it was last night. It turns out it was "Family Day" so many couples had brought their kids. I had a great time just watching the joy of these families enjoy their time together, some dancing in no formal step, some dining on Brats and German Roasted chicken, while others were gathered around the plasma screen television broadcasting the Bears rout of the Bills. Mother Goose was even in the "house"!

Having finished my beer, a Becks Oktoberfest, I decided I should return home to see if Lisa had also returned and get the kids ready to bag a fossil or two. I had parked my car on the fourth floor of one of the two city parking lots, which gave me a great view of the northern side of downtown Naperville. In fact, one of my favorite spots to shoot sunsets is on the top floor of this garage. Just outside the lot are some trees which were hosting some small birds and I was lucky enough to capture one of these sparrows before I left.

I also snapped off a couple of shots of the downtown area from the window of the car :-)

I arrived home about 1:30pm and found that Lisa wasn't home yet, and the kids were in the basement on their computers.

I let the dogs outside, as Ginny and Dakota stay in their crates when not being attended to. I flipped on the Bears game and made a quick lunch of hot dogs, which the kids turned their noses up to.

The Bears mopped up on the Bills, final score, 40-7... Da Bears!

I decided to shoot some quick shots in the back yard... speaking of dogs... we're beginning to think that Dakota is an Australian Terrier rather than a Silky Terrier. He's much heavier than Ginny and his hair is course, while hers is silky smooth. The Silky is a mix of the Australian and Yorkshire Terriers. Ginny matches the AKC description of the Silky... Dakota matches the AKC description of the Australian Terrier. It doesn't matter much to me in the end... the important thing is to know how large he's suppose to get, and what his breed genetics indicate for temperment and disease. If he is an Australian, he'll be about 50% heavier than Ginny, which I would bet he already is. Either way I love the little dude. He's a cool dog, as are all three of them.

Do you realize how hard it is to capture a butterfly in flight? Those suckers can fly up to 35 miles per hour and change direction constantly...

About 4pm I decided it was too late to get anywhere significant, and I asked the kids again if they'd go out with me. Austin said he wanted to play with the neighbor kid... Erin declined all offers and options... meh...

I decided to return to Oktoberfest for a couple more beverages, then lite out for a local forest preserve.

There were more people in the tent this time, but not a crowd. The kids were a hoot, bouncing, jumping in off-beat rhythms to the polka and waltzes played by the band.

Having finished a few more Becks Oktoberfests, I departed and drove to the Springbrook Prairie Forest Preserve, conveniently located on my route home. As I neared the entrance to the park I spied a large hawk perched upon a park sign. I parked and hoped that the bird would still be there, despite the odds, by the time I was able to hike to that location. Happily for me, it was!

Being about 5:30, I had some time before sundown, so I picked up a seldom used path through the park to walk and see what I could see.

I love nature. There's a calming effect of the wind through the grass, the sounds of the birds and insects from their invisible nests. Even at, or maybe especially at dusk wildlife emerges. Movement in my periphery causes me to stop and find someone staring at me. I stare back.

I found myself without a path after a while of walking, and with the sun approaching the horizon, I didn't want to turn my back to it and walk back, so I began to go "off-road" and hike through the weeds in hopes of getting a few good shots off and of stumbling across a different path back to the parking lot.

Ultimately I did come upon the path which would lead me past the radio airfield. I came across a couple sitting on a bench enjoying the sunset with their yellow lab mix. The older gentleman asked if I'd gotten any good shots, to which I replied positively. I lingered to pet the dog and chat with them about the park. They told stories of seeing coyotes and/or wolves during winter months. They were surprised to hear about the number of white tailed deer I'd come across on my hike, as well as the owl that I'd not been able to get a clean photo of. We talked for at least 20 minutes, at which time another couple with a rat terrier mix arrived and doggy introductions ensued. I bid them good night, snapped off a couple more shots. and returned to the car.

Well, another weekend is behind me and I feel that I did the best I could to enrich myself as well as reach out. The money raised by Oktoberfest will be put to good by the Rotary club. Tips at the bar go to Loaves and Fishes. I had interesting conversations with complete strangers. I was able to spend time with my daughter shopping, and my wife last night.

I believe I'll sleep well tonight, and I'm looking forward to meeting the day tommorow.

Bless you all. I'm proud and privileged to have you in my life.

Falling out of season

2006-10-04T23:10:00.001-05:00

A chilled wind slaps against the bright colors of the season

Magenta and amber banners wave against an ashen backdrop

While short sleeves are exchanged for jackets

Rains that once refreshed, now bite, raising raw flesh

Sunlit mornings supplanted by dim silhouettes

The daily journey home, a race against the setting sun

A silver veil of mist drifts across the glow moonlit sky

Taking with it the warmth of the past months

Raising the curtain on the sights and smells of a more distant sun

The hourglass has been reversed and the sands have been tumbling downward

We see how we are bound to our mother’s cycle, forever linked

And share in the forces that alter her moods

Over the years this transition has brought on melancholy

Multicolored reflections upon the water mimicked in the heart, mind and soul

Like a time worn chasm, each season digging deeper

So as the year slides toward an end and we cling to the folly of spring and summer

We recognize and acknowledge our inextricable tie to our home

And remember our Father’s words, “For dust you are, And to dust you shall return”

Tuesday Happiness

2006-10-04T00:05:00.000-05:00

On the way home from work tonight I experienced an extreme burst of joy... no explaination for it... none at all... i'm driving the expressway home with Godsmack unplugged in the CD player, singing like a lark... well... anyway... the sun is shining and traffic is the least of my concerns... i was just happy...

i've been completely off the Wellbutrin since Saturday now. I'm sleeping much better. Just on the Lexapro and an appointment next week where I'll ask to be phased off of that.

My daughter woke up in a funk today... depressed and sad... it harkened me back to a year and a half ago when every day was a bad day for her... My wife took the day off to get her out of the house and try to get her out of the mood... and it seems to have worked. It's interesting how my moods can be driven by the moods of those around me.

I had lunch with my brother too. He seemed really excited to meet with me and I felt like he wanted to ask or tell me something throughout the meal, but we just chatted. Totally enjoyable. He's considering going to a race at Talladega this weekend... I hope he can go. He's gonna be racing in a couple of weeks so I'm looking forward to that too.

I'm beginning to get the feel for how to work the new camera and I'm having a lot of fun with shooting again. I love this time of year with the change of colors, although I don't care for the cold.. but really... January is cold... this is very comfortable weather.

There was a big storm here last night... I don't know how much it rained, but many streets were flooded which caused a great amount of traffic trouble this morning. I was 30 minutes late for my 9am meeting, but it was no biggie...

I stopped at the Naperville Riverwalk on the way home to shoot some photos of the sunset. I was surprised at how high the DuPage River was running. If we get the amount of rain predicted overnight this thing is easily going to be over the banks... it runs about 1.5 miles from my house. I'm not listed in a flood plane and i think it would take rain on Biblical proportions for it to reach me though.

The joy of the afternoon has faded. No sadness. No joy. No stress... maybe just little.
There's nothing better than a warm puppy, except 2 warm puppies and a fuzzy dog.

Good night house. Good night stars. Good night friends. Good night moon.

Road Trip Day 9

2006-10-02T22:30:00.000-05:00

2006 Road Trip Vacation – Sunday 2006-10-01

Sunday morning – last day of my trip – and I’m going a little out of my way – there’s a cemetery that’s in my genealogy so I’m going to see if I can get some pix of my grandfathers…
The internet here isn’t working this morning (at the Super 8)… lucky me…
When I came out of the hotel this morning there was a lady loading up 3 corgis into her car – apparently she was at an agility trial yesterday so I got to pet a puppy :-) Kinda looking forward to seeing the dogs later today…
I heading out on 16 west
So I just got done visiting the Durbin and Anderson cemeteries south of Taylorville in Christian county – and according to my genealogy research one of my grandfathers is buried in the Durbin cemetery – but I can’t find the headstone – the limestone on the headstones have eroded badly – so I’m on to Onewaneco, another place in my genealogy …

I did a quick walkthrough the Onewaneco cemetery and surprisingly there were no Durbins to be found – so I’m heading north on something… and man, there are a lot of prisons on this trip… just going by another one… well, I’m heading on to Taylorville…
Well I hung around and went to the Christian County historical society museum… learned some things about some of my ancestors – it was interesting and nice – so I’m taking 48 north now…

I also learned that Bear Creek twp is basically the area where Durbin Cemetery is which is where the Durbin’s settled and the town of Palmer is there… and for some reason Palmer rings a bell with other lines in my genealogy, so I have some more research to do when I get home…
I took 51 north, went through Decatur and went through another town then detoured into a cornfield to pee…. And now I’m wandering around on gravel roads

Back on 51 north
I connected with 55 north and had an uneventful ride the rest of the way home – listened to by book on CD and arrived home a little after 6pm…

Road Trip Day 8

2006-10-02T22:28:00.000-05:00

2006 Road Trip Vacation – Saturday 2006-09-30

Checked out of the Russellville Inn, $59 per night – very nice clean room, internet access, very nice place – I would say it’s the best value of any place I’ve stayed so far
I’m listening to this CD Dark Star Safari by Paul Thoreaux, and he’s talking about how the regions of Africa during certain government regimes in different countries would promote displacement of white land owners and he labels it as state sponsored terrorism… and what it has me wondering about is the early American displacement of Native Americans and Mexicans as the United States was expanding in the 1800’s… I suppose the parallel would be more accurate if the Mexicans and Native Americans were to now displace us and take back the lands…. Do we or could we have called our expansion in the 1800’s state sponsored terrorism? What if we were to find ourselves a minority to Mexican born American citizens and/or residents? If they were to begin taking back original Mexican territory and claiming it as Mexican how would we view that? It strikes me as not totally out of the realm of possibility given where some places in the southwest have gone recently in terms of dual languages among other things… hmmm… much to ponder…
I got off of 17 North onto this road that says TVA Muscle Shoals and some Dam so I’m gonna check it out…
Wilson Dam and Visitors center is where I’m headed…
I keep seeing signs that say that this is a Northern Alabama birding trail also
I just drove across Wilson dam which is really cool and I was able to get a couple of shots as I drove across but unfortunately all of the visitor centers and parks to get a good view are closed for some reason… bummer…

Wilson Dam is on the Tennessee river – I’m crossing it now on 13/17 north going into Florence Alabama
The way the signage works around here is a bit of a pain in the ass so it’s anyone’s guess as to which road I’m going to come out of Florence on…
I’m on 17 north/157 north…
I’m a little bummed out – I was just heading north out of … uh… I don’t even know what this place is… and I said to myself I’ll get something to eat and then I’ll see if I can clean a spot off of my lens or mirror – so it appears that it’s dust on the sensor so even with the xti sensor cleaning system it looks like I’m dealing with dust on my sensor – gah!
I’m in Tennessee now and the road changes to 13north – it’s 10:30 Saturday morning
This part of Tennessee north of Waynesboro is very pretty – very windy, twisty and forested roads
I might also make the suggestion for people not to drive the stretch north of Waynesboro in the dark – there are several 20 MPH turns and the drop offs are pretty precipitous – it would pretty much ruin your night…

This area of Tennessee I think, Perry county is one of the more interesting ones with striated rock cliffs and twisty – amazing hills – I like it a lot here…

So I’m at the junction of 17 and I-40 is a lot of Lynn family stuff – tours, flea markets, gift shop, restaurant blah, blah, blah so I guess she must be from around here…
I’m in Erin, TN and I stopped and got some pizza, gas, cash – of course there was another stray dog – a friendly yellow lab – I think a tourist flagged down a cop while I was in the shop to try to do something because they were out there when I came out and I didn’t see the dog – damn friendly dog though – extremely thin…

So now that I’m kinda set for a little while I’m going to head out on 49 west which I’m going to take… actually… hold on…
Yeah – 49 west to 79 which I should be able to take west again then take the “trace” up through the “land between the lakes”
Ya know you think of everything around here being really old, but Erin was only established in 1906…
Well I gave some money to a local fire department standing at the intersection with their buckets and in the process I think I missed my turn – so I’m turning around to get back on track…
I don’t know what body of water this is on 49 8miles south of Dover – large body of water – kinda boggy with large hills and trees and what not – very scenic

I stopped in this wildlife reserve… uh….
So what I was saying is that I stopped in this wildlife preserve because my overactive bladder is getting the best of me today – must be all the water I’m drinking … but, stopped and got some pix of hawks and just now I saw about 20 turkey vultures circling in the sky

This is cross creeks national wildlife refuge, south cross creek reservoir – so finally my camera batteries go dead for the first time this week, so I’m glad I bought 2 additional nicad batteries and the battery pack handle grip J
The repair shop is just south of Dover…

Dover’s where I have to take 79 south and hopefully hook up with the park road…
The location of fort donnelson national battlefield is here…
And I’m heading toward the turn that says Land between the lakes National Recreation area…

I’m in Kentucky!

Rock on… getting into an Elk and Bison Prairie that’s normally a fee entry but today is evidently national public lands day, so it’s free of charge!
I hear-um, but no-see-um
So I saw them – absolutely heard them before I saw them… it’s interesting to watch the bull elk with their herds… they round up their herd and scream out in what sounds like a “dinosaur” bellow to drive them away from the crowd – I had to chuckle at this little male elk doing his impression of a big male elk – sounded more like squeaks!

That was a pretty park – you could easily spend a lot of time there… I can see bring the boat down for boating fishing camping and… ouch…. My foot is killing me….
This little town (grand rivers) is packed although I can’t exactly tell you why, it’s simply packed with cars and people…
I got off of the highway that was the trace and came through grand rivers in hopes that I could hook up with 641 so I’m hoping that still remains the case…
Alright so I’m at the intersection of this thing… so I’m taking 641 east…
Just went over the Cumberland river and saw a huge dam off to my right which is Barkley Dam
OK – I’m getting off of 60 east and onto 91 north – the map shows a ferry crossing which is not really what I wanted, but it’s a bit of a drive to the free bridge…
That was unexpected – I just drove by an Amish horse drawn buggy…
It’s 5:13 and I’m sitting at the ferry that will take me from Kentucky to Illinois…

Back in Illinois now!
I was thinking I was going to drive all the way home and now I’m having second thoughts – I came into Cave in Rock Illinois and I see that I’ve entered hardin county and this is an area that’s prominent in my genealogy – so I’m seriously considering staying over and hitting a couple of cemeteries in the morning – depends on if I can find a decent place to stay – not really willing to deal with another bug infested hotel so we’ll see…
Gallitin County is all over my genealogy – I’m feeling a little sentimental and romanticizing this area with my vivid imagination ;-p

I’ve gotten onto 13 east to go to Shawneetown – one of the towns in my genealogy that I’ve always wondered about –
Old Shawneetown is the oldest town in Illinois… and it’s pretty beaten up now… it’s only 400 people and the nicest places in here are trashed up mobile homes … well there is one nice brick house, but generally it’s a wreck… which is sad… it proves out one reason why people moved out as apparently they moved the town a number of times because of the flooding ohio river.. the new shawneetown is 3 miles to the west of this…

I didn’t see any cemeteries as I came through so … hard to tell… uh…
The most spectacular sunset – fiery red clouds - just gorgeous – 1 North turned into 45 north J

I finished Dark Star Safari – next Harlan Corbin’s The Innocent
Staying Matoon tonight - gonna do some local snooping in the morning

Road Trip Day 7

2006-10-02T22:25:00.000-05:00

2006 Road Trip Vacation – Friday 2006-09-29

I check out this morning and of course there was a line to check out – it’s one of the things they’re not doing well here… checkin/checkout.. I waited about 45 minutes to check in and probably 40 of those were waiting on the clerk to deal with one couple to get their comps figured out – they really should have a protocol for getting them out of the line and dealt with by management so there aren’t a bunch of pissed of vacationers… but anyway, as a result I missed last nights susnset – but I can live with it… gonna cruise up and down the shoreline and see what I can see this morning!
So aside from the waits, the place is really nice… I had a nice room - $99… the internet access isn’t free – another $11 – food was really good – everything very centrally located from the casino – beer was free – and I had a good time even though I didn’t win – lost about $70 – I enjoyed myself – like spending money at a ball game – as long as you set limits you can have a good time and not feel too guilty when you leave…
I just saw another guy with a metal detector – so that’s just an invitation for me to hit the beach with mine!
Well.. I did some metal detection which was a riot – found a pocket knife and a bunch of coins and baubles and the requisite junk… found some sort of big iron ball that I left in the ground – looked relatively modern as there was paint on it – a few people on the beach this morning sunning themselves… I wouldn’t walk in this water, and it’s posted not to, but some people did… so I’m gonna take off now!

One thing that’s kinda striking as I drive back along the beach front is that this must have been an amazingly cool place before Katrina with all the shops, waterparks, hotels, casinos… but this is gonna be the Biloxi I remember and know – I’m really going to have to return after they rebuild… but I really can’t imagine how it’s gonna happen as it looks now – seems unreasonable… it seems like it will never be able to return to what it was…

I’m back on I-10 heading east toward Mobile…
I’m taking exit 61 off of 10 – going to get something to eat and going to visit sand hill crane national wildlife refuge…
Well… this refuge is one that requires some hiking… cause there’s no drive through it – being somewhat limited with time I’m passing on this so I’ll stop and take pix – lot’s of conifers …

I’ve decided to make my northward start in pascagula on route 63
Gas in pascagula is $2.19…
So 63 north kinda stops… and I have to go back southeast or northwest to Hattiesburg – so I’ll head northwest
I’m turning off of 98 to this thing called 198 that looks to be running north
Ok that didn’t do anything but loop around back onto 98
The dirt here is really red!

So I’m getting off on 98 on a road that’s heading north – my hope is to go through Neely and into Avera… let’s see if this pays off!
This road I’m on is old hwy 24…
And I’m going through Neely…
Getting off old 24 to take this thing called Neely-Avera road…
I made the wrong turn and I’m still on old hwy 24… gah
I think I’m gonna turn around and get back on the Neely thing…
The road I was on came to an end and I’m now on 63 north…
I’m in Waynesboro – It doesn’t seem like 63 really continues so I turned of onto 84 – I dunno if I’ll stay on it but it’s what I’m on now…
I’ve decided to take 84 east – spend some time in Alabama as I’ve never been there – so I’m off to Alabama!
It’s 3:25 and I’m now in Alabama!
Coming up to junction 17 – going to take 17 north – striking how different Eastern Mississippi and Alabama are from western Mississippi- clearly you have the river valley to influence that but this is heavily forested – very hilly – mixture of deciduous and conifers and it’s quite pretty…

So I go into this place in this little town to get a couple of sodas and go to the bathroom and I come out and there this good ole boy sitting on a motorcylcle, which looked more like a moped, and with his helmet on he looked like a character out of bugs bunny or the jetsons… he says to me “y’aint do no paintin do ya?”… I had to make him say it again because I didn’t know what the hell he said – I actually think he said if I do some painting to get on behind him… what the hell? I must really look like I fit in here…
As I drive through really rural Alabama I find that the people seem pretty friendly – mostly African American where i've been so far – as they see me pass they’ll wave – sitting on their porches – standing in yards – walking along the road – seems nice…
Another thing too is that it’s about 5;15 and it’s gone from heavily forested – to more range land with lots of cattle

I stopped to get gas back there – I asked the lady at the counter if the pumps took credit cards and the lady at the counter in her Alabama twang said ‘naw, ya jest go out and poomp and come back een’… and as I walked back out to my car I heard another girl in the store say “ain’t ya warried he’ll drive off?”… so I’d like to have heard the conversation that followed that… when I came back in she said… ‘ yall from Illinois? Whatcha doin here in pickens county?” so I explained what I was up to and she asked “ya we-in anything at the casina?”…. funny question… and no I didn’t
So I’m faced with the decition of what to do here – continue to drive deeper into the evening? Too far away to make any significant progress tonight or do I just find a place like in Columbus MS and call it a night – one of these days I’ll need to make a big push – I just passed 82 west and I’m still on 17 north – so I’ll be driving a while tonight…

Driving through this place called Sulligent AL and there’s a fair going on – if I had more time and were inclined to I’d get out and walk around, but I’m thinking I should probably push ahead
Passing through Detroit , Alabama
Staying in Russellville, Alabama - found a nice place and ready to hit the rack