I love you now, I'll love you forever

I love you now, and I'll love you forever

by David R Durbin 2006

A silver dragonfly skipped across the azure sky as Mary sat cross legged in the thick grass. The sun caressed her face and tickled her bare shoulders, which lay exposed from her favorite dress, a pastel yellow sundress with a white collar and shoulder straps. Normally she’d be wearing a pair of white open toed flats, but today, she was relishing the feel of each blade of the dense lawn reach between her toes.

The gardens around her were finely manicured; no weeds at all. Hundreds of butterflies fluttered in and around the picturesque scene. So many different kinds; she had never witnessed such a display. Orange, yellow, blue, black; large and small.

From beneath a flowering peony, a small bunny peeked out, and then stepped out carefully placing each paw as it made its way into the grass. A beautiful turquoise butterfly flitted from a Black Knight butterfly bush and gently landed on the bunny’s tiny pink nose, which brought on a quick twitch, and away it went.

Mary loved being outdoors, especially in spring and summer. So much new life, it made her heart skip. It was like falling in love.

From behind, Mary heard the delicate footfalls of her tiny bundle of joy. “Mommy!” cried Amanda, running with her arms spread wide, locks of copper waving as she bounded through the yard. And as Mary opened herself to her little girl, she was met with affectionate kisses. “Mommy, mommy, mommy!” cheered Amanda, giggling as she pecked her mother’s cheeks. “I love you” she said in her squeaky doll voice.

“And I love you too Sweetpea!” returned Mary, stroking Amanda’s silky mane.

“Did you love me when I was in your tummy Mommy?” she asked.

“Of course I did sweetie” cooed Mary.

“How Much!”

“More than the whole wide world!” Mary giggled as she swept Amanda from her feet and planted the little girl onto her lap.

“Did you love me when I spilled my juice on the carpet?”

“Yes honey, even when you spilled juice on the carpet” replied Mary, tweaking Amanda’s Lilliputian nose.

“Mommy? Did you love me when I put gum in Lucky’s fur?”

“Why, you helped me get it out, didn’t you? Even when you put gum in Lucky’s fur.”

Amanda rose from Mary’s lap and began to twirl, her hair brushing Mary’s face as her little feet danced in circles.

As Amanda fell into Mary’s soft bosom, giggling all the while, Amanda looked into her mother’s eyes with her own puppy dog eyes and asked “Mommy, will you love me when you die?”

Birds were singing, Orioles she thought; such a pretty song. Mary returned her child’s gaze, “Sweetpea, I will love you more than ever after I die. I will love you, and you will know how much I love you”

“How Mommy?” Amanda asked scrunching her face and tilting her head.

A smile came over Mary, like an autonomic response, as she said in a soft voice, stroking her child’s hair “When you wake up, you’ll know I’m thinking of you. When you see yourself in the mirror, I’ll be looking back at you. When you sing, I will be singing with you. When the sun shines on your face, it will be kisses from me. When it rains, they will be tears of happiness that you are my little girl. And when you snuggle into your bed at night, I will be kissing your forehead. I loved you before you were born, I love you now, and I’ll love you forever.”

Amanda thought, and concentration soured her face. “You’re silly Mommy” she said, stood, and began to twirl again.

The sun began to set as Mary sat and watched the love of her life dance in perfect peace before her. And as the sun met the horizon, Mary remembered the life she had, the life she loved, and the people that meant most to her. She had loved, and she had been loved, and what more did she need.

She was ready to move on. She rose, bent down, and kissed Amanda on the top of her head. “Good bye Amanda”

“Good Bye Mommy”

The sun drifted below the horizon, and Mary could let go. She had done what she needed. And it was good