Saturday, December 17, 2005
Charging
yeh - so I'm the worst Dad ever. I had just served the kids some green beans before they were going to bed (it's wierd, but that's what they wanted) and they were being silly and one of them said "homo", or at least I thought they said homo.... Instead of just ignoring it, or telling them not to say it, I started walking around the kitchen with a limp wrist and a queer gait. They both seemed to be laughing at this, but then my 12 year old boy left the kitchen and hid under the desk in the den. I thought he was still laughing, but instead he was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said that I was scaring him. I asked why and said that I was just being silly and he replied that if I act like one maybe I am one.
Well, I pulled him out from under the desk and tried to re-assure him that I was just goofing off and he told me to go "jack off".
I was offended by this so I yelled at him to go to bed and literally threw the bowls containing the beans into the sink, and of course one broke, which sent both kids into a fit.
My 13 year old daughter started cussing me out, saying "what the hell?" and "what the f'ing hell" and mom came downstairs demanding what's going on.
I went to the garage and had a cigarette. I came back in and cleaned up the sink and told mom what happened. She huffed, when to the bathroom for a cigarette and then went straight back upstairs.
About 5 minutes later, by son came back downstairs and said he was sorry. I said I was sorry too, and that I was only playing and that it was wrong and that I wouldn't do it again. I told him that I loved him and asked him if anyone had ever threatened him or touched him in a bad way. He denied it and asked why I broke the dishes. I said that I was angry and frustrated and was sorry for scaring him.
And so now, it's our 22nd anniversary today. My wife is pissed at me again and in bed. I scared the shit out of my son. My daughter thinks I'm a bigger freak than ever. My 19 year old isn't home yet , per usual. And I haven't spoken to my 21 year old son, except for one occasion, since February.
I was feeling pretty good about having bought my wife a nice Citizen watch for her anniversary gift, and having watched a nice basketball game, but now.... well... I can't stand myself.
Well, I pulled him out from under the desk and tried to re-assure him that I was just goofing off and he told me to go "jack off".
I was offended by this so I yelled at him to go to bed and literally threw the bowls containing the beans into the sink, and of course one broke, which sent both kids into a fit.
My 13 year old daughter started cussing me out, saying "what the hell?" and "what the f'ing hell" and mom came downstairs demanding what's going on.
I went to the garage and had a cigarette. I came back in and cleaned up the sink and told mom what happened. She huffed, when to the bathroom for a cigarette and then went straight back upstairs.
About 5 minutes later, by son came back downstairs and said he was sorry. I said I was sorry too, and that I was only playing and that it was wrong and that I wouldn't do it again. I told him that I loved him and asked him if anyone had ever threatened him or touched him in a bad way. He denied it and asked why I broke the dishes. I said that I was angry and frustrated and was sorry for scaring him.
And so now, it's our 22nd anniversary today. My wife is pissed at me again and in bed. I scared the shit out of my son. My daughter thinks I'm a bigger freak than ever. My 19 year old isn't home yet , per usual. And I haven't spoken to my 21 year old son, except for one occasion, since February.
I was feeling pretty good about having bought my wife a nice Citizen watch for her anniversary gift, and having watched a nice basketball game, but now.... well... I can't stand myself.
Faces
So I went to my first womens college basketball game tonight. They don't run as fast as the men. They don't jump as high as the men. They aren't particularly good shots, but I still enjoyed watching the competition.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
These people love bird houses
And so I had my weekly appointment with the therapist today. Some days I really hate going in. I know what the conversation's going to be beforehand. Something along the lines like "Nothing is going to change until you do something about it" and "You deserve better, more..." and "Medicine alone isn't going to make you feel better". I know that
- I need to stand firm with my friends and family for what I want to happen and not cave in
- I need to be more forceful with my family to live a lifestyle with them that I want
- I need to stop smoking
- I need to get more sleep
- I need to eat healthier
- I need to exercise
- I need to demand respect
But, oh... if were only this easy. If I only knew what I wanted in more detail. Just wanting to be happy doesn't cut it. Apparently you need a plan for being happy.
I'm going to start by getting a haircut tommorow. We'll see where I go from there.
- I need to stand firm with my friends and family for what I want to happen and not cave in
- I need to be more forceful with my family to live a lifestyle with them that I want
- I need to stop smoking
- I need to get more sleep
- I need to eat healthier
- I need to exercise
- I need to demand respect
But, oh... if were only this easy. If I only knew what I wanted in more detail. Just wanting to be happy doesn't cut it. Apparently you need a plan for being happy.
I'm going to start by getting a haircut tommorow. We'll see where I go from there.
Scrum
My company hosted an outing for one of our vendor partners at a Chicago Wolves game tonight. I hadn't been to a Wolves game before and I really enjoyed the game. I also like this shot alot - particularly having caught an expression on one of the players faces.
Standing in snow
Yeh, so it was snowing again this morning. I started the day thinking I needed to meet a customer at my office, but I discovered halfway there that she wasn't going to come in today, but tommorow. It was probably for the best as we had a couple of tasks to finish in order to be ready for her to be productive during her visit (I offered to let her use our lab to test some system upgrades).
I don't know if the new meds are helping yet or not. I doubt if I'll ever know for sure.
Anyway, I took this shot of a lady standing on a corner. I don't know what she was waiting for. Several busses stopped and started and she didn't budge.
I don't know if the new meds are helping yet or not. I doubt if I'll ever know for sure.
Anyway, I took this shot of a lady standing on a corner. I don't know what she was waiting for. Several busses stopped and started and she didn't budge.
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