I should be smiling

As this is more of a rhetorical diary than anything else, I post my thoughts and feelings, and make no attempt for literary or journalistic achievement.

And now for a moment of self-centered pity.

I'm in a funk again (big suprise). You would think at a certain age a person would learn to cope, but despite of my years, success in life, success in business I feel like crap.

I wish I could understand what influences this, and I've considered many things, but nothing makes sense. The more I think on it, the more complex, confusing and depressing my life becomes. And what sucks, so many people around me need help, how can I help them when I don't know how to help myself. In actuality, it seems easier to see through other people's problems than my own. I read recently, I don't remember where, that people are incapable of self-analysis. It's like looking into a fun-house mirror and seeing a reflection of a reflection of a reflection and so on. I'm beginning to believe this.

It's as if life is a race, and I'm stuck in the starting blocks. While the years hurtle by, I'm caught in a web of paralysis. I want to be an active participant, but...

You know things are bad when on Sunday evening you're dreading another day at work, but you equally dread the thought of anonther day at home.

So, I'm starting some new meds. Perhaps I'll go see/talk to someone. God only knows where this will wind up.

Better living through chemicals!