Existence

If you could change anything in your past, what would it be? Would it be a difficult decision, knowing that every moment from that point forward would be different that which you have lived? How far back in your life would you go? Your birth? High School? College? Later?

We didn't choose our parents. We didn't choose how or where we're raised.

When were we cognizant of the choices we make? Does a child choose to be unruly or conform to "social standards". Does a child choose cruelty to others or kindness? Are they capable of making those choices or are they programmed from birth? When do we really have free will? How much does it matter?

I suppose children are shaped into who they will become from birth, maybe earlier. Their fates are determined by the combination of genetics and environment. Is this why good parents can raise bad children and similarly bad parents can raise good children. What exactly defines a good parent or a good child; a bad parent or bad child?

What, in my life, would I change if I could? I really don't know.

What if I were never born? Would the world be better?

Have my choices, my "free will" made anything better? Have I enriched anybody's life? If I were to have a Jimmy-Stewart-It's-a-Wonderful-Life moment, what would it be?

My parents would have been spared a lot of grief. My wife would have been the attorney she wanted to be and married someone much better than me. Their children would have been beautiful and normal.

If I were to die tonight who, if anyone, would miss me and why? I can count 3 people. My wife and my parents. My wife, beautiful and smart, would have ample time to live a healthy and happy life, and no doubt would.

I can't change the past and I'm not going to die tonight.

My parents will continue to live their impoverished existence.

My children will suffer the effects of my parenting shortfalls.

My wife will not be sustained in the ways which she deserves.

I will fade away, over time.